GOD WITH US

 

Ideas to Lighten Our Load

Some weeks we carry something too heavy: our emotions.  Fear, worry, doubt, sadness. Emotions can be our mountains.  Let's ask our God to climb our mountains with us.

Unhelpful thoughts are also heavy.  But thoughts aren't facts.  Have you noticed that when we don't fight them or coddle them they evaporate? Soon we're thinking about something else. That's how we're made.  What a blessing.  

We can rejoice that each day begins anew.  A fresh dawn, another glorious chance not just for the birds but for us as well.  We have survived the night.  Each morning is a birth day and for those we give thanks. When I open my eyes I give thanks for the daylight, the life out my windows, the person by my side. And so much more.  Parse it out.  What can you be grateful for as the sun rises?

Another help is acceptance. Our strengths and our joys easily, but also our losses and griefs . . . .  I have troubles; so do we all.  I am grieving; but perhaps you are too.  Or, my day is going well; yours too?  Life is so much easier when we accept the whole human condition. We can fashion our prayer, "Lord help me accept this."  Or, "Be with me now." 

Some goals can't be reached, for whatever reason. Often we can change the goal. I changed my work goals often.  My family goals too. And when we can't change the situation, we can change ourselves. The question is, "From this, what may I ask?"  You never go backwards.  Even setbacks move you forward.

Forgive yourself for what you did not know before now.  This is important, isn't it?  How many parents don't need to hear this? 

It's good to name our strengths and tell others theirs:  "You are brave. You are strong.  You are kind."  To myself: "I am brave.  I am strong.  I try every day to listen and be kind, to myself and to others."  "We are both enough."  If you're alone, just repeat, "Nothing is missing.  I am already whole." 

Mindfulness focuses on the acceptance of an experience.  Compassion focuses on caring for the person having the experience. Self-compassion is a shadow of God's comforting mercy.  Self-compassion says, "Be kind to yourself when you suffer."  This is a lesson well-learned.

Uncertainty is fine but let it not be about God.  "In God We Trust" is more than just the national motto on our coinage.  Some of the things in each of our lives defy a moment's peace, a second's happiness.  Yet joy abounds. The joy we thought would never fill our hearts again is the peace that passes all understanding. Who can explain it?  Always a surprise when we take the time to notice.  A gift from God alone.  The One in whom we may trust.  

Who am I to give advice, as it were?  Only a child of God.  That's all we need to be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BEING A FRIEND TO YOURSELF

 

Valentine's quiz:  Who's the hardest person to love?  Isn't it strange that it's the person we spend every second of our life with?  We love our children before they are even born.  Many of us are lucky enough to have parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters to love.  We have lovers, spouses, partners.  We love our best friends.  It's effortless.

We overlook the faults of those we love.  We extend compassion and grace to those around us.  We look past their mistakes to their inmost beings; we see the real person and we are kind. As they are to us. How many times didn't my children overlook my preoccupation with work? My son never in his life held onto anger.  Ready forgiveness was a character trait with him. How often haven't my husband and I taken a breath, made a joke, and let an annoyance pass? How often don't we look for ways to affirm our friends? "You did your best."  "I would have done the same thing."  "You're right."  And always, "You look great!" We even compliment strangers.  

Where do most of us fall short?  In loving ourselves. We hold ourselves to a different standard.  Our self-critic can be brutal, our internal dialogue cruel:  "Why did you do that?  Won't you ever learn?"  Badgering questions we would never ask a friend.   

Mindfulness has helped me with this.  Actually feeling in my body when God is near has helped.  In fact, believing my body rather than my mind is always a good choice.  My mind ruminates; my body has let go of the past.  My mind catastrophizes; my body reaches for tenderness and gives it in return.  It knows what I need more than my mind does.  This is a lesson I'm forever learning.    

This year for the third time I am delving into This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (www.thisnakedmind.com).  Her challenges have become an annual pleasure, reminding me why I enjoy keeping alcohol in the periphery of my life. I ran into her work at a time when I wondered how I had become a daily wine drinker without intending to. I love learning the science of how our minds and bodies work.  Annie Grace also talks about how we don't have to become a person we can love.  We are that person already.  

Certainly Christianity tells us this:  to love your neighbor as yourself, you must first love yourself.

If we're accustomed to listening to negative self-talk, we can change and extend grace toward our own struggles.  February is all about love--hearts and flowers, chocolates, special dinners and outings.  For me February is triple-special.  The anniversary of my husband's and my first date; our first grandchild's birthday; and Valentine's Day.   

For all of us February could be a time to concentrate on being kind and supportive to ourselves, as compassionate as we are to one another.  Greater Good Science Center based at the University of California, Berkeley (www.ggsc.berkeley.edu) researches the neuroscience of well-being. An article in a recent online newsletter ("How to Become a Friend to Yourself, Feb 5, 2021) explains that self-compassion looks outward, recognizing that everyone struggles and makes mistakes.  This is different from self-pity which looks only at oneself. Self-compassion is a reliable source of strength.  

Three years ago on Feb 4, 2018 I posted "Falling in Love with Your Life for Valentine's."  I do love my life and hope you love yours.  That after tallying all the pluses and minuses, you wouldn't want to be someone else, with their friends, children, hopes or dreams. . . and not yourself.  For this our first--and we hope only--Covid Valentine's, my husband and I are bringing in a lovely carry-out from the local beach-front Caribbean Grill.  We are isolating here in rainy Pine Knoll Shores, NC after our second vaccine shot.  This is a blessing for which I am grateful beyond expression.  

Beyond that let's work on offering ourselves warmth and unconditional acceptance.  That is my February goal.   

                     With kindness, Nina Naomi

 

  

 

 

 

JOURNEY OF SELF-PERCEPTION

I'm going to share with you writing prompts for cultivating resilience that are from a project to test the benefits of expressive writing for those in crisis, specifically the COVID-19 crisis.  Although our own crises may not be limited to this pandemic, since many of us live through more than one crisis or trauma in our life and often simultaneously. The writing is only for ourselves and can include the past as we wish.  The instructions are to respond for about 15-20 minutes to each prompt and to do so with patience and compassion for ourselves.   What I'm sharing is an abbreviated version. 

1.   Write about your deepest thoughts and feelings about how this crisis is affecting you personally.  Try to use the time to reflect upon the issues most important to you at this time.  For example, how the crisis is affecting your day-to-day activities, your mental and physical health, your relationships, etc.

2.  Dig deeper.  What fears, difficult emotions and losses have you experienced or do you anticipate?  All emotions are welcome.  (If this becomes too bothersome stop and take a break.  No prompt needs to be completed.  It's up to us based upon the compassion we show ourselves.) 

3.  Now write about your experience from a different perspective:  a wise friend, a future you, a divine or neutral observer or anything that comes to mind.  This could be in the form of a letter to yourself or to someone else, or not.  

4.  Try to tie together the threads of your writing so far into a wish or intention for the future.  What is important to you in continuing to navigate this crisis?  What values matter most right now?  How do you want to relate to yourself and others now and in the future?

5.  Mindful writing:  awareness without judging. impartially witnessing our own experience with compassion.  For ten minutes begin each sentence with "I am aware that. . . " or "I am aware of. . . ."

I liked the last prompt best.  I found so many things I was aware of having to do with my own coping skills and the life I lead that I had not exactly thought of before.  The writing became a positive experience.  See what you think.  

To be continued . . . .

COMPASSION FOR YOU; COMPASSION FOR ME

I ran across a lovely way to practice compassion during this stressful time.  I'd like to share it.  

First, take a minute to think about someone with whom you might want a sympathetic relationship, perhaps a colleague or person who is in your circle.  Perhaps a friend, a neutral person, or even a difficult one.  Or think of a person you want to treat better, perhaps someone you snapped at or were about to.  This might be someone who serves you or works for you.  A brief encounter with one of the people whose feelings we're not always so careful about.  Or think of a stranger, the mail carrier, a road worker, our health care workers.  Someone whom you may want to understand better. Even someone with whom you're at odds or dislike.  Once you've read through this, a person is more likely to come to mind.  At least that's how it worked for me.  It may not be in any of the categories I mentioned.  You'll find the right fit.  

Then say these phrases: 

This person [or name them] has feelings, thoughts and emotions, just like me.

This person at some time has experienced physical and emotional pain and suffering, just like me.

This person has been sad, just like me.

This person has been disappointed, just like me. 

This person has sometimes been angry, just like me.

This person has felt inadequate, just like me.

This person worries, just like me.

This person is frightened sometimes, just like me.

This person will die, just like me. 

This person wants to be caring and kind to others, just like me.

This person wants to be content with what life has given, just like me.

This person wishes to be free from pain and suffering, just like me. 

This person wishes to be safe, strong and healthy, just like me.  

This person wishes to be loved, just like me.  

As I wrote these phrases and as you read them, I bet we both felt like we were admitting something important about ourselves:  that we are frightened sometimes, that we worry, that we wish to be content with our lives.  Even that we too will die.  I will and you will, not just others, not just those who are passing in this pandemic.  

So I think the first thing that this exercise does is create self compassion.  We see ourselves as vulnerable and needing tenderness and understanding.  As we realize that others are like us, we see more clearly what we ourselves are like:  persons wishing to be safe, free from suffering, healthy, loved.  Persons who have experienced every emotion, every feeling, and every thought one can imagination.  We begin to treat ourselves as tenderly as a friend would, or a mother. 

Next, send the person you've chosen thoughts of well-being:  

I wish you the ability to navigate the difficulties in your life.  (Or whatever words fit best for you, such as  "May God help you to navigate the difficulties in your life.")

I wish that you'll be peaceful and content.  (Or, "With God's help and guidance may you be peaceful and content.")

I wish that you are loved because you and I are fellow human beings together in this world.  (Or, ". . . because you and I are children of God.")

Whatever best fits us and the person with whom we sharing our compassion practice.  As we do this I feel like we can't help but also send compassion to ourselves.  Good to do in these days. 

"If you want others to be happy,

practice compassion.

If you want to be happy,

practice compassion."

-Dalai Lama