TOMORROW IS MAY DAY AND THE SKY IS BLUE

Right now the sky is blue, the ocean choppy and the wind on this clear sunny day a wild and whistling 31 mph blowing northeast in from the sea.  Deck chairs are sliding about, umbrellas long since folded and stowed, and all I see at sand level topping the waves is foam.  From deck height, white caps reach the horizon.  It's a beautiful, exciting combination of wind, sky and sea with a spring temperature of 73°.  A picture doesn't do it justice.  

Although at this velocity the wind is not a danger to life or property, it's still more than just a breezy day at the beach.   With a red flag whipping, not a single swimmer, sensibly, is braving the surf.  Biking to the sittum took extra pumping today.  Hats and visors are useless. 

Sittum, Pine Knoll Shores

No wonder people all over the planet search out the shore.  Living in a coastal state, North Carolinians all have a favorite beach.  The same is true, we know from our New Jersey and Florida family, all up and down the East coast.  Our favorite is Pine Knoll Shores, a small town on Bogue Shores, where I've been spending the week.  Everyday has been different.  Last Wednesday a yellow flag and glassy sea.  Then days of rain and after dark, bolts of lightning over the water and sleep broken by thunder rattling the house.  Then more wondrous weather today.  No wonder the live oak are squat and gnarled.  They've endured centuries of this wind and salt pruning.   

I'm wondering how the night will be.  Maybe a storm is brewing or maybe we'll have moon and stars like we did last night.  There's nothing more interesting than a day at the sea.  And tomorrow, the first of May!   

                                                                                 Nina Naomi           

WHY I LOVE GETTING OLDER

 The Boxer   [verse 4]

Now the years are rolling by me

They are rockin' evenly

I am older than I once was

And younger than I'll be;  that's not unusual

Nor is it strange

After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same

After changes we are more or less the same

. . . lyrics by Paul Simon

Why I love getting older and why you may too: 

I've learned how to find peace.  There are things I won't "get over" or forget. And no doubt more to come. But I accept what has happened and my emotions about it.  That's peace.  

I like being with people, but equally being alone. Although my husband and I are mostly at home together, we may each be doing our own thing apart. I'm especially happy outdoors on my own while he writes from his home office. 

I like most everything about myself.  Like doesn't mean admire but it does presage contentment.  I think that takes aging.  We've accomplished (or modified) our ambitions, we've reached (or rethought) our goals, we've become ourselves.  It's too late to "find yourself," but just right to "be yourself." 

No one else decides how I spend my time.  I can read to my heart's content.  Reread the classics. Indulge a true crime penchant.  I can take classes:  pottery, a history class on WWI, a webinar series on living Alcohol Free, a lay ministry class. I can blog.  I've taught myself to collage, the most hands-on creative I've been for years: washi tape, art paper, my own poetry and prose, stamp art, embellishments.  I'm proud of these collage journals, which are just for me. 

There's emotional freedom from stress. I wanted to be a lawyer since 5th grade and hold the years practicing in memory happily with no regrets. But I ran on stress. I wanted children since at least our honeymoon, but anxiety and child-rearing are daily companions.  As a grandparent, I embrace that easier role with gratitude and joy. 

The worry about saving for a house with more space, college or retirement is over.  Within reason we can do what we want, enjoy a meal out, grocery shop without tallying, and travel.  

There are other reasons I'm not focusing on right now.  Of course, the greatest is gratitude for living.  Long life is a universal goal, and I am officially too old to die young. 🙏 

Thank you, God, for my very life these many years.  I have come to appreciate it more as it lengthens. Give me the grace to accept whatever comes next and the feelings that are sure to follow.  This is my prayer for us all. 

Nina Naomi

  

THE LURE OF THE HEALING SEA

Atlantic Beach, North Carolina

Miles of sand and a yellow flag yesterday, a color seldom seen, marking a calm ocean.  Water temperature is up to 59° and the sand comfortable for bare feet, not blistering as it will be mid-summer.  Atlantic Beach has been a vacation spot for a hundred years, a town of under 2,500 on the Southern Outer Banks chain of barrier islands.  We are here at Pine Knoll Shores again and I'm thinking about those who answer the call of the sea.  People who live not in cities or ocean front high-rises or even newly built waterfront homes, but those who live in those out-of-the-way spots that others dream about.  And where, sometimes, I too get to visit. 

Inner Hebrides, Scotland

Last fall's post-pandemic trip abroad included the archipelago of islands off the western coast of Scotland, a rugged landscape of towns and fishing villages with a history of kings and clans.  My grandmother was a Chisholm and as a child I learned that the Clan Chisholm migrated to the Scottish Highlands in the 14th century.  Our hunting tartan is brown and the dress plaid red. I've waited a long time to see this part of my heritage. It's doubly exciting that one of our grandsons is going to St Andrews University in the fall.   

I remember (once) being on Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia, at 1,745 feet elevation, standing high above the sea with the water both distant and hugging the shoreline below.  That trip felt like magical realism to me; yes, it was real, but oh the undercurrent of magic.  When I round a corner and hear the long slow notes of a bagpiper standing at the edge of a cliff shrouded by cloud, the fantastical has slipped into my ordinary day. Far out a whale rises up from the deep and I wish I could lift gently from the earth to float with arms outspread like I do in my dreams.  

Cape Bretoners number around 135,000 and for someone drawn to the sea like I am, I can't imagine a place more attuned to nature, with a crenulated coastline, lowlands and highlands rising south to north. Sometimes you're so high it feels like heaven.  

Today on our Atlantic coast the ocean is wilder, white caps all the way to the horizon but still a mild cloudy afternoon. Water doesn't have to be calm to heal us.  The sea's negative ions boost our moods, the rise and fall of the waves relaxes us and the sea releases our feel-good hormones, dopamine and oxytocin.  At the same time, we are restless like the waves.  Scientists (or maybe poets) have called the sea the planet's heartbeat.  I can see that.  No, I'm not one of the lucky who lives remotely by the mothering sea, but I am lucky enough.  Yesterday and today are perfect.  Tomorrow will be too; I'm pledged to that.  Nina Naomi

WHAT WE NEED TO HEAR THIS VERY DAY

"Sometimes carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement."  Albert Camus

Spoil yourself.  Don't forget to take some time for life's little pleasures.

I've learned to stop rushing things that need time to grow.

"You are never stronger ... than when you land on the other side of despair."  Zadie Smith

The best way to predict the future is to create it. 

Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend.  

"None of us lives to ourselves, and none of us dies to ourselves.  If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's."  Romans 14:7-8

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."  James Baldwin

"Something that is loved is never lost."  Toni Morrison

"Just connecting to beauty is consoling.  You see that people don't only make wars; they can also create great works of art."  Marieke Nijmanting

If ever there was a year that needed grace, this is it. 

Let us be acquainted with the night. It can't be sunny all the time.  

I am pleasantly surprised that I can find happiness and joy within a broken world.  

"Being somewhere is more important than getting somewhere."  Michael Carroll

I am OK where I am.

I'm surprised at how happy I am with the simpler things in life. 

"Your sacred space is where you can find yourself over and over again."  Joseph Campbell

"Hold company with yourself so sacred that even when you are alone, you are whole."  Ishani Bhattacharya

"I've always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can think negative."  James Baldwin

There's more to come.  And it's something beautiful.  Just wait and see. 

EVERYDAY HOLINESS

It is the rich beginning of a new season.  Some mornings bathed in sunlight, some gray, mild and rainy.  We have no idea how each day will unfold, whether it will become an integral part of our Spring story or a day we barely notice, that passes us by for reasons we soon forget.  On the whole, it's up to us how the day expands.  

For Christians, we have recently finished Holy Week, the week between Palm Sunday and Easter, when Lenten devotions culminate in the institution of the Lord's Supper on Maundy Thursday and the crucifixion on Good Friday.  An emotionally intense week.  But as it's past, I'm wondering if every week isn't Holy, if every day shouldn't be.  Every week we have millions of moments to spend with people we love.  I spend each day and night with the person I've loved since I was 19.  That's a long time ago.  I spend time with grandchildren, family and friends.  Every day has moments when we can look at the sky, feel a sweet breeze, smell the rain or curl our toes in the sand.  Every day we watch our plants grow, pick parsley from our garden, eat a ripe strawberry (almost time).  These days, this week, seem Holy too.  

You know how when someone is dying, we hang on their every word?  We'd give anything to spend just one more day in their living presence.  What if we realized that now?  What if we become people who recognize what they have before it is threatened?  People who see the sacred in the everyday.  Many days we are like that.  We wake up and go into the baby's room where that little hungry, crying person does indeed bring all that's good into our arms.  Or we wake to our lover's touch, or to an aging parent nearby whom we are caring for.  People who we know love and depend on us.  Those are holy times. 

We use words in the Christian faith that may be called terms of art.  They have special meanings.  Grace, holy, sacred, mystery, and others less spiritual like discernment or more technical like Triune God.  Some days I would just like to look at how I live and what's outside my door and say,

Thank you, God, for this holy day.  Thank you for the mystery of the seeds growing in my garden.  For the mystery of my mind and body.  And for the most mysterious of all--the fact that I am loved, by others and by Your Sacred Self.  Thank you for the grace of Your forgiveness of my careless sins that I fail to notice but others may.  Thank you for love and birth and life itself.  May I appreciate all that will someday turn to dust before that day is near.  In the name of the Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  AMEN

Nina Naomi

NEW FEELINGS FOR SPRING CHANGE

It's Spring! 

I've been taking classes this week on how to make change in your life.  What I'm learning is both amazing and, but only once I learned it, obvious.  Here it is in a nutshell.  We don't change through willpower.  In fact, that's about the last thing that works.  

Willpower is finite.  When it's depleted it stops working.  If we've been using willpower at work for myriads of reasons, there won't be much left when we get home.  If we've been relying on willpower during the early evening, there won't be much for late night. It's not a long-term solution. 

We've seen this with Life's Big 3:  eating, drinking and smoking, or any other drug.   Chocolate when I'm down?  Wonderful.  Ice cream when I'm lonely?  Just right.  Wine when I'm stressed (or relaxing or sad or celebrating or bored or happy or alone or with people)?  Of course.  We know how hard it is to give up sugar, alcohol, caffeine or nicotine on willpower alone.  It's kind of torture, right?  We're uncomfortable eating too much or drinking or whatever too much, and we're unhappy depriving ourselves of something we see as pleasurable or necessary.  Using our willpower is not fun and when things aren't fun, they don't last long.  

What does cause change?  It starts with knowledge.  New knowledge brings new feelings or emotions, and new emotions cause change. Many people of my generation stopped smoking when they learned how Big Tobacco had manipulated nicotine levels to keep them hooked.  For some, the emotional change was anger, and you don't pay a company to give you cancer when you're angry at them and their product.  That's why the industry hid the knowledge for so many years.  They knew what makes us tick.  When we're lied to we don't like it.  

You know how the FDA requires all the adverse effects of a medicine be stated in TV advertisements?  But my favorite candy (Mounds bar) doesn't list any dangers. (That's OK.  I've figured them out:  weight gain and stress from spiking blood sugar.) Warnings help us make informed decisions.  When we see our kids bouncing off the walls on a sugar high, we reduce their sugar. Teachers know that kids on candy don't learn as well.  

With alcohol the only warning we get is "Drink Responsibly," which puts the blame of an addictive carcinogen on us.  It's not the addictive nature of the product that increases our use over time; it's that we aren't being responsible. Ha Ha  joke's on us.  They're promoting something as the elixir of life but if we consume more than is healthy (which is any amount), it's our fault. 

Now, here's how this relates to change, and this isn't limited to alcohol or cigarettes or other toxicities.  It applies to fears about changing jobs, moving, starting something new, making any scary decision.  First, we seek out the knowledge about our situation.  "Can I quit this job and my family won't be destitute?"  "Can I make a living some other way?  A way I have passion for?"  "Will I miss smoking outdoors on my break or will I be glad that I am no longer a smoker?"   "Can I be curious about whether I want to change my relationship to alcohol (or any other drug) and still relax and have fun with my friends and family?"  These questions and answers take some research and some faith.  What they don't take is willpower.  

What I'm learning in this class is that our first goal is not an action.  "I want to stop, or start, this or that."  The first goal is a feeling.  "I want to feel great about myself."  "I want to be passionate about my job."  "I want to know I'm doing the best I can for my body and mind."  "I want to be a role model for my children (or grandchildren)."  You get it.  We all do.  

Then we look at the situation that's hindering whatever feeling goal we have.  Then we gain knowledge about it.  The knowledge may be that this job is giving me high blood pressure and headaches. Or this toxic substance is hurting my body and brain.  And so on.  The knowledge causes emotional change and that leads to action.  Willpower does not even apply.  I love that.  It makes change a happy thing, not a chore. I see lots of ways to apply this.  I bet you do too.  

                             In peace, Nina Naomi

The secret about change comes from Annie Grace and her work The Naked Mind.

BECOMING CLOSER TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE

We've all said it:  "I need to steal some time for myself." Sadly, that is the word we use:  steal.  As if we aren't worth it.   

As if work, errands, email, appointments--just about anything we can think of--are worth more than we.  Not true.  The time we take for ourselves should be sacred.  What happens during these times?  We relax and recuperate.  We become inspired and think creatively.  We renew our bodies and connect with nature.  We follow educational and pleasurable pursuits.  We solve problems, we reach flow states.  We even, praise be, find inner peace.  We become that much closer to who we are meant to be.  

There are negative lessons we think we learn through pain and loss.  Not to trust, for example.  Or to expect the worst.  Or that we're not valued.  These "pseudo-lessons" I will call them, often arise out of mistreatment or betrayal by those who owe us more, such as a parent or partner.  But they are pseudo lessons because they are not valid. Repeat:  not valid. They don't lead us to who we are meant to be. 

One untrustworthy person does not make trusting too risky.  Even a string of bad experiences does not make the next experience more likely to be bad.  (In fact, it makes it more likely to be good.)  Feeling undeserving of happiness, love or security is evidence of a problem in someone else, not in you or me.  The fault is with whatever or whomever made us feel that way, whether it is a toxic substance or a toxic person.

But what about the lessons we're taught through happy surprises and spontaneity?  My knitting group has been worried about a friend who has been absent; a lot going on with her that she might label bad experiences.  When she showed up, she gave the group a lift. We know we are meant to there for each other and her presence made that more possible. 

I thought a recent weekend would be lonely.  As much as I love puttering, I wanted a bit of socializing.  Then our granddaughter and family accepted a last-minute Friday night invite to supper.  I thought they'd be too busy.  A friend and her husband suggested a potluck for Saturday and some TV.  Our ex-son-in-law's mother called and said our shared grandsons would be with her on Sunday and we should join them.  Imagine, we are still good friends with our ex-son-in-law's mother.  How fortuitous is that? 

What do I learn from these surprises?  Perhaps that the gentlest lessons teach us the most. That the unexpected is usually something good, not bad.  That someone's spontaneity, yours or mine, may bring happiness to ourselves and others.  That being alone and following our own heart or being with others and listening to theirs, both bring joy.  Aren't these small things making us closer to who we are meant to be?