NEW FEELINGS FOR SPRING CHANGE

It's Spring! 

I've been taking classes this week on how to make change in your life.  What I'm learning is both amazing and, but only once I learned it, obvious.  Here it is in a nutshell.  We don't change through willpower.  In fact, that's about the last thing that works.  

Willpower is finite.  When it's depleted it stops working.  If we've been using willpower at work for myriads of reasons, there won't be much left when we get home.  If we've been relying on willpower during the early evening, there won't be much for late night. It's not a long-term solution. 

We've seen this with Life's Big 3:  eating, drinking and smoking, or any other drug.   Chocolate when I'm down?  Wonderful.  Ice cream when I'm lonely?  Just right.  Wine when I'm stressed (or relaxing or sad or celebrating or bored or happy or alone or with people)?  Of course.  We know how hard it is to give up sugar, alcohol, caffeine or nicotine on willpower alone.  It's kind of torture, right?  We're uncomfortable eating too much or drinking or whatever too much, and we're unhappy depriving ourselves of something we see as pleasurable or necessary.  Using our willpower is not fun and when things aren't fun, they don't last long.  

What does cause change?  It starts with knowledge.  New knowledge brings new feelings or emotions, and new emotions cause change. Many people of my generation stopped smoking when they learned how Big Tobacco had manipulated nicotine levels to keep them hooked.  For some, the emotional change was anger, and you don't pay a company to give you cancer when you're angry at them and their product.  That's why the industry hid the knowledge for so many years.  They knew what makes us tick.  When we're lied to we don't like it.  

You know how the FDA requires all the adverse effects of a medicine be stated in TV advertisements?  But my favorite candy (Mounds bar) doesn't list any dangers. (That's OK.  I've figured them out:  weight gain and stress from spiking blood sugar.) Warnings help us make informed decisions.  When we see our kids bouncing off the walls on a sugar high, we reduce their sugar. Teachers know that kids on candy don't learn as well.  

With alcohol the only warning we get is "Drink Responsibly," which puts the blame of an addictive carcinogen on us.  It's not the addictive nature of the product that increases our use over time; it's that we aren't being responsible. Ha Ha  joke's on us.  They're promoting something as the elixir of life but if we consume more than is healthy (which is any amount), it's our fault. 

Now, here's how this relates to change, and this isn't limited to alcohol or cigarettes or other toxicities.  It applies to fears about changing jobs, moving, starting something new, making any scary decision.  First, we seek out the knowledge about our situation.  "Can I quit this job and my family won't be destitute?"  "Can I make a living some other way?  A way I have passion for?"  "Will I miss smoking outdoors on my break or will I be glad that I am no longer a smoker?"   "Can I be curious about whether I want to change my relationship to alcohol (or any other drug) and still relax and have fun with my friends and family?"  These questions and answers take some research and some faith.  What they don't take is willpower.  

What I'm learning in this class is that our first goal is not an action.  "I want to stop, or start, this or that."  The first goal is a feeling.  "I want to feel great about myself."  "I want to be passionate about my job."  "I want to know I'm doing the best I can for my body and mind."  "I want to be a role model for my children (or grandchildren)."  You get it.  We all do.  

Then we look at the situation that's hindering whatever feeling goal we have.  Then we gain knowledge about it.  The knowledge may be that this job is giving me high blood pressure and headaches. Or this toxic substance is hurting my body and brain.  And so on.  The knowledge causes emotional change and that leads to action.  Willpower does not even apply.  I love that.  It makes change a happy thing, not a chore. I see lots of ways to apply this.  I bet you do too.  

                             In peace, Nina Naomi

The secret about change comes from Annie Grace and her work The Naked Mind.