SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE

Such a familiar phrase isn't it--Simplify Your Life.  Sounds easy.  But is it?    (Post:  "Make Your Life a Little Easier, Especially in Your Head") I read an article about waiting.  Waiting for a better job, for a new person in our life, to be a parent or grandparent, for our children to grow up, for a health issue to resolve, for more time, or more money, for the right moment. . . something.  We're on hold waiting for a better future.  We're uncertain and some experts say uncertainty can make us feel anxious.  Our life doesn't seem simple at all. 

Uncertainty about the most important things in life can be devastating. Uncertainty caused by health or money problems, by disloyalty or by someone we trusted deceiving us, by mental illness playing havoc in our family. By something unexpected and devastating. A shock.  Such life-altering events are difficult to get past, even when we work hard at it. Even when we pray.

One way to simplify, according to experts, is to let go of anger.  We've all had to do that in our lives.  When someone has wronged us and refuses to admit it, the Bible says to abandon rage and anger (Psalm 37:8).  This is not forgiveness or reconciliation. Rather, being consumed by anger is not good for us.  By letting go we are healing ourselves, trusting that the pain will lessen with time.  

Another way to simplify is to forgive.  Not condone, not pretend an offense never happened; not allow ourselves to be fooled or taken advantage of; not pardon someone who tells us they've done nothing wrong when we know they have.  No.  Forgiveness is different than that. Forgiveness arises out of the unselfishness of love.  With forgiveness we accept the apology, we welcome the change.  1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 says that love does not keep account of injury.  We cancel the debt.  This is in the Lord's Prayer.  

How does this simplify our life?  Studies show that people who abandon anger or who forgive themselves and others are happier and healthier than those who hold on to hostility.  When we abandon anger or forgive we become more optimistic, our heart rates improve, our well-being is heightened.  So says the  Director of Stanford University Forgiveness Project Dr. Fred Luskin (www.curablehealth.com).  Forgiveness is an ancient tradition.  We can even forgive those who are long gone. Our parents.  The bullies from high school.  Forgiveness and anger abandonment are now taught as part of stress management courses.  And while we are waiting for our lives to change we can continue to live our lives.  Waiting is also living.  Ahhh. . . I'm ready to do this hard work.  And I hope somewhere someone is forgiving me.  Nina Naomi

TRUST THE TIMING OF YOUR LIFE. TRUST YOUR JOURNEY.

flow 19 Days of Mindfulness

So many life-quotes.  I like this one.  Do you?  It doesn't fit the really really bad things that happen. The things that stun us. But it fits the healing from them.  It fits going forward.  All those good days that out-number the bad.  All the kindness and love that continues in our lives.  

When your edges are frayed, what do you do?  I find help everywhere.  An otherwise unmemorable movie had a the line,  "Don't destroy something good." That advice came just when I needed to hear it.  When the doors and windows are open, the weather is perfect and the dragonflies are spinning, don't let the past destroy the present, it said to me.  Don't let fears for the future color the now. Prayer helps me and maybe you too.  I find God easily, sometimes in a tangible enveloping way, quieting my mind and heart. Breathing slows when I remember God.  Somewhat like meditation I expect. 

Illustrator: Otje van der Leiij

There's a Zen adage: 

"You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day--unless you're too busy; then you should sit for an hour."

That resonates with me. A teacher of Warrior Mind Training for the U.S. military, Ilene Gregorian,  says, "Your own thoughts are able to take you down quicker than any enemy."  Isn't that the truth! And when we let that happen we may let the beauty of life pass by unnoticed.  Turning off our thoughts can be like turning off the the TV just to hear the birds.  Or the rain. Or our children's voices as they play. 

When we trust the timing of our lives, trust our journeys, experts say we brood less; we cope with fear, stress and depression better.  We create a kind of spam-filter in our heads.  If the sun is shining, literally or figuratively, we notice.  

Another life-quote I like is this one: 
 

The trouble is you think you have time.  

This quote is attributed to Buddha in Jack Kornfield's Buddha's Little Instruction Book.  I think this thought fits with trusting the timing of our lives and trusting our journey.  It also fits, for me, with trusting God to help and guide me.  This is not a carpe diem, seize the day kind of idea.  It doesn't mean have as much fun as possible.  It means that because of life's brevity we want to appreciate it, recognize what's important, not put off the good until later, live with kindness and love for ourselves and others now.  

Tonight my spouse and I are choosing togetherness.  The couch and a movie.  We just decided.  That's a good choice. We know how lucky we are to have each other. We're promising ourselves to stay in the moment, to turn off our phones, to log out, to be present.  And not destroy something good.  Mr. Wiggles will hang out with us too.  So simple.  I bet you have a good idea for your evening too!
 

   

  

POCKETS OF TIME

Don't you love the phrase "pockets of time?"  It's so accurate.  The pocket of time in the morning with coffee or tea. The pocket of time before anyone else is up.  When the children are napping, or watching their favorite show, are at school or on a play-date.  After the house is clean (or maybe while cleaning it), before a night out, before tucking into bed.  Sometimes the walk to the mailbox or a chat with a neighbor is a pocket of time.  Even grocery shopping alone can be a pocket of time.  Time to regroup, to connect with ourselves or someone else, to be with our own thoughts. A "pocket of time" means something good. 

There can also be pockets of time during commutes.  One family member commutes by ferry into Manhattan.  That is his time--one hour each way.  On the commute home he is heading back to his family of three boys under 5.  Our niece, his wife, finds her pockets when the boys are at preschool, or napping. Or a grandparent is there.  Two unflappable young parents living mostly on love.

Another family member keeps their baby strapped to his chest while he works.  Not sure he has a pocket of time, or his wife either, except for curling into bed together.  They are happy too.

 Sleeping Baby and  Watchful Mother

Some experts advise that we find a peaceful place for our pocket of time--a park bench, a cafe, by the kitchen window, on our balcony, porch or deck.  Sitting up in bed with a book or magazine.  But we can grasp a pocket without a special place too; even a standstill in traffic can provide a pocket of time. Time to take a deep breath, to let frustration go, to calm ourselves.  

Since I no longer work full-time I have many pockets of time, especially if I get up first.  Even when the house is crowded.  Time to blog, time to read, time to water the garden, or swim. 

This summer we are not taking a vacation.  We have a grandchild who arrives at 7:30 to spend the day while her mom and dad work.  That is a blessing, as all of us who are grandparents know.  Or as many of us remember from our own childhood with a grandparent, after school or in the summer.  Or perhaps raising us.  So we are calling our house Camp Cornwallis, after the street where we live.  I'm trying to make our nest a retreat, our home a kingdom, our town a destination.  That way the stay-cation is not second choice.   I think it's working!  Last week we had three grandchildren stay.  No one seemed to want to be anywhere else.  How glad that makes me! My pockets of time were fewer but that was fine.  I think my niece must feel that way.  

So if you live in town find a park bench.  Sit alone or keep an eye on the children.  Take a walk with a child in a stroller, or let the kids run ahead.  Feed everyone pizza and flop on the couch.  Let the house go and stay outside.  Eat leftovers.  Play music or enjoy the silence on your commute.  Walk the neighborhood.  Hide out in the garage or garden shed.  Find a place to float on your back.  Or dream about it.  Oh my, the list of how to find and enjoy pockets of time to nourish ourselves, to be ourselves, is endless.  Thank you God.  Nina Naomi