SIMPLE INSIGHTS

Follow your Heart

• While distractions waste energy, concentration restores energy.  Distractions leave us frazzled but concentration is calming.  Concentration is whole-hearted.  It restores us.  The qualities of concentration are presence, calm observation, willingness to start over, and gentleness.  These qualities help us at work and at home.  Never are they depleting.  

• Anger contains other emotions, like sadness, fear, disappointment or regret.  We need to tackle the underlying emotion.  Why are you angry at your child?  Is it because you fear for her safety?  Why are you angry at yourself?  Do you regret something you said or failed to say?  Why are you angry at your friend or partner?  Did they disappoint you?  And isn't it easier to address each of these without the anger?  Experts say that it is. 

• Accomplishments should increase our peace of mind, but too often don't. Often the first question we're asked after an accomplishment is, "what's next?"  Let's work to "rest on our laurels" for the moment and savor what we achieve.  Let's work to be happy with ourselves and our accomplishments.  Let's stretch that happiness.  We can strive without always having to reach a new goal.  We can revise or even abandon our goals.  Peace of mind in what we have accomplished will then follow.    

• Possessions bring only temporary satisfaction. Has this ever failed to be true for you?  I don't mean your home, where you retreat from the world.  Or your grandfather's watch or your mother's earrings.  But things.  If we remember this, we will save money, effort and time, all more valuable than things.  

• Meditation creates a sense of ease within and can help us withstand sorrow and loss.  Prayer and meditation bring us in close to ourselves, to a comforting place where sorrow can reside peaceably, where loss can be cradled. My meditation mantra is "Help, save, comfort and defend me, Gracious Lord."  Amazingly, it does help.  I have been saved and comforted when I thought that all was lost. This is an assurance for the future as well.  

• We can't decree what emotions will arise, only our responses to them. Every emotion should be recognized, named and accepted.  Feelings aren't bad.  Sometimes we are unhappy, with or without reason.  We can live with that.  If we couldn't live with sadness, change, loss or death, how could we possibly survive day to day, year to year?  Our emotions deserve our respect and tenderness.  

• Meditation teaches us how to begin again, and again.  Prayer too.  Prayer never tires us.  There is always more for which to pray.  Let's not exhaust ourselves running away from difficult thoughts, keeping them hidden or criticizing ourselves for having them.  Always to yourself be kind.  When we can forgive ourselves we can forgive others.  In that way we imitate God. 

In love, Nina Naomi

THAT BRIGHT VEIN OF GOODNESS IN US ALL

Well, I finished the 8-week Cultivating Kindness Meditation Course at Duke Integrative Medicine.  Just in time.  The news today is more corona-virus shut-downs. Oh my.  What could be more stressful?  We are all a bit on edge.  Or worse.  Yesterday in a drop-in meditation class the program director announced "closed until further notice."  Our college student has been sent home to finish the semester. Clearly more kindness can't hurt.  

Our class had long-time practitioners and newbies, moms and a dad or two, an emergency room physician, a young widow, a librarian, retirees, people who traveled far and locals like myself.  Did the course make us kinder?  Thankfully 🙏 judging ourselves is anti-loving and kind. But yes, I think the practice of meditation is helping me better understand and connect with myself and others.  

So, here is a little of what I've been learning (and unlearning) so far.  You may know it all already. But with some things I am grateful for repetition; perhaps you are too.     

• Meditation isn't a religion.  It can be faith-based or secular.  In my practice I am daily brought closer to God. But that's not everyone's practice. 
• It doesn't require special skill or background.  If you can breathe you can meditate.
• It only takes whatever time you give it.
• It doesn't eliminate sadness, difficulty, grief or pain.  It does teach new ways of coping with these.
• It isn't an attempt to zone out, stop thinking or focus on only positive thoughts.  That's not humanly possible. 
• It is a way to recognize our thoughts and relate to them more skillfully.  Stress, anxiety, pain or depression become more manageable, allowing us to make better decisions.  The result is we feel safer, more confident, calmer. 
• Meditation helps us respond, rather than react, to what is happening in our lives. Or in our minds.
• The concentration we learn restores our energy unlike distractions that deplete it.  
• Meditation is not self-indulgent or self-centered.  We learn about ourselves but what we learn we apply to others.  

Mindfulness the same.  Mindfulness is an attitude, meditation an action.  Neither is a withdrawing from anything, not fun or careers or politics or anything else.  We have all the skills we need for mindfulness at our finger tips.  It's always available to us. 

Specifically, in the loving kindness meditation the anchor is not the breath but a repetition of traditional phrases.  Our class read the book Real Happiness by Sharon Salzberg.  I'm not drawn to the title; happy seems almost too trivial for what we were learning.  I'd choose "at peace" or "content," wider umbrellas than happiness--although one can give rise to the other. The book includes such traditional meditation anchors as "May I live with ease," but in class we were encouraged to create our own.  For painful times I like, "With God's help, may I remember that my life is vaster than this moment."  Or, "With God's help, may my care for myself and others protect and calm me."  Better yet, from our liturgy the prayer "Help, Save, Comfort and Defend Me Gracious Lord."  You could think about what phrases might work for you.  It's a pleasant task, creating a phrase that we'd want to return to. 

Salzberg talks about "add-ons," those unhelpful threads we follow from a painful physical or emotional experience.  Projections into the future that add mental anguish on to what is already difficult enough.  She shows how mindfulness can restore balance, teaching us to observe all feelings of whatever intensity with curiosity, interest and compassion. To watch them come and go. To recognize that we are not our feelings.  

I especially like the idea during these chaotic times of thinking of kindness as a strength, not a weakness.   
                                        In peace, Nina Naomi

THINKING HEALTHIER

I just completed my 3-day Urban Retreat.  It was at Duke Integrative Medicine, down the road from me.  A peaceful center with trails, fountains, rock piles, Quiet Rooms, labyrinths . . . .

We spent 3 days mostly in silence.  I never thought I could do that.  Partway through, during a sharing time, one member said, "Meditation is simple but not easy."  AMEN to that!  I love the mindfulness.  Being present in a non-judgmental way.  Stepping back when thoughts become difficult (intrusive thoughts--the reason I got into this in the first place) and observing.  "Now I am thinking X."  Sometimes I say, "Now I am thinking this thought that is wasting my time."  Not sure how non-judgmental that is, but it definitely gives me perspective.  

We also practiced bringing kind awareness to our thoughts or worries and letting them be--without analyzing, suppressing or encouraging, just letting them run their course.  Shortly they will be replaced by other thoughts and other emotions, maybe pleasant ones.  After all, our mind spends its day thinking.  

One way to think of mindfulness is as prioritizing.  None of us has much problem prioritizing work and family, some days work gets more attention, some days family.  But some experts say that being good to ourselves is a prerequisite to everything else.  Not hedonism or self-indulgence, but self-compassion. Surely nothing in God's Word tells us otherwise. It is not hard to see that being kind to ourselves would be pleasing to God. And that self-acceptance is part of our journey of faith. 

If we treat ourselves as kindly as we do our children or a good friend or even a loved pet, we're also in a way fostering our independence.  I like that idea.  If we can self-soothe--maybe sing to our self, read the Psalms, make our self a warm drink or even rock our self to sleep--it's like being our own care-giver.  

On the retreat we also practiced meditative walking.  Walking and the Lord's Prayer go hand-in-hand quite nicely.  I tried that when walking the labyrinth, then added other prayers.  Or saying the Rosary if you are Catholic.  Or just reciting your gratitude list.  

I've found other repetitive tasks where I can meditate as well.  Sweeping is one, long strokes back and forth on the deck, drive and patio.  Or raking.  Many outside chores. Cooking too--chopping, stirring, kneading, patting, pounding.  My mom used to pat her meatloaf gently, like you would a baby's bottom. I can see her doing it. 

 
I feel like these practices can help us have a healthier mind. And maybe help us be more fruitful in our Christian life. What do you think? 

  





 

LOVING-KINDNESS MEDITATION

When you meditate you can also notice the softer

more subtle thoughts that you usually race past.

 

This morning I had time for a guided loving-kindness meditation.  A chance to enrich my fledgling meditation practice.  I needed it.  I'm still home recovering from a major surgery. That's why I had the morning free. You can find free audio resources for mindfulness meditation at www.Mindful.org.  "Healthy Mind, Healthy Life," that's the motto of Mindful.  

Because I rely upon God for help and guidance, I try to integrate my faith into my meditation and mindfulness practice.  Although I'm a beginner, it's not too hard to do.  In fact, I feel like it comes naturally. When I am focusing on my breathing I remember that it is God who created me, who gives me breath, who I call upon when I am anxious, distressed or afraid.  When I move from my breath to a body scan, I thank God for each part of my aging body.  In fact, we can thank God for age itself, for not leaving this precious earth before our time. 

I've practiced Yoga for years, but taken only one 10 week MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) course at Duke Integrative Medicine, signed up for a full Day of Meditation, and later a 3-Day Urban Retreat.  So, yes, a beginner.  But perfect after any of our 'Big' birthdays, or during life transitions (empty nests, job changes. . .), or after traumas or griefs or betrayals or anything that needs healing.  I've learned that much already.   

Today's guided meditation began with a focus on ourselves and on someone who loves us.  My mother I thought, or my husband, but finally chose God.  That kind of unconditional love fit the meditation.  Having God say to me, "May you be happy, may you be safe, may you be protected.  May you be free from pain [yes! I need that!], may you have health and well-being as much as is possible. . . . "  I know God doesn't promise these, not health, not freedom from pain or suffering; rather God promises to share our afflictions.  But I do believe that God wants wellness for us, wants safety for us, wants health and happiness for us.   

I always add, "May you be kind."  I want that for myself as well.  All these loving-kind wishes, for me and then as the meditation goes on, from me to others, and out into the world.  So much wonderful hope in this meditation.  Feeling the love of someone else for you; or of God for you; or you for yourself; or yourself for others. . . .

I am working to find more time for this each day.  I have tomorrow's guided meditation picked out:  "A Loving-Kindness Meditation to Boost Compassion" created by Dr. Emma Seppala of Stanford University.  How can we lose, each of us, our compassion out-flowing into our families and communities and from there to who knows where?  I am going to try.  Nina Naomi

TRUST THE TIMING OF YOUR LIFE. TRUST YOUR JOURNEY.

flow 19 Days of Mindfulness

So many life-quotes.  I like this one.  Do you?  It doesn't fit the really really bad things that happen. The things that stun us. But it fits the healing from them.  It fits going forward.  All those good days that out-number the bad.  All the kindness and love that continues in our lives.  

When your edges are frayed, what do you do?  I find help everywhere.  An otherwise unmemorable movie had a the line,  "Don't destroy something good." That advice came just when I needed to hear it.  When the doors and windows are open, the weather is perfect and the dragonflies are spinning, don't let the past destroy the present, it said to me.  Don't let fears for the future color the now. Prayer helps me and maybe you too.  I find God easily, sometimes in a tangible enveloping way, quieting my mind and heart. Breathing slows when I remember God.  Somewhat like meditation I expect. 

Illustrator: Otje van der Leiij

There's a Zen adage: 

"You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day--unless you're too busy; then you should sit for an hour."

That resonates with me. A teacher of Warrior Mind Training for the U.S. military, Ilene Gregorian,  says, "Your own thoughts are able to take you down quicker than any enemy."  Isn't that the truth! And when we let that happen we may let the beauty of life pass by unnoticed.  Turning off our thoughts can be like turning off the the TV just to hear the birds.  Or the rain. Or our children's voices as they play. 

When we trust the timing of our lives, trust our journeys, experts say we brood less; we cope with fear, stress and depression better.  We create a kind of spam-filter in our heads.  If the sun is shining, literally or figuratively, we notice.  

Another life-quote I like is this one: 
 

The trouble is you think you have time.  

This quote is attributed to Buddha in Jack Kornfield's Buddha's Little Instruction Book.  I think this thought fits with trusting the timing of our lives and trusting our journey.  It also fits, for me, with trusting God to help and guide me.  This is not a carpe diem, seize the day kind of idea.  It doesn't mean have as much fun as possible.  It means that because of life's brevity we want to appreciate it, recognize what's important, not put off the good until later, live with kindness and love for ourselves and others now.  

Tonight my spouse and I are choosing togetherness.  The couch and a movie.  We just decided.  That's a good choice. We know how lucky we are to have each other. We're promising ourselves to stay in the moment, to turn off our phones, to log out, to be present.  And not destroy something good.  Mr. Wiggles will hang out with us too.  So simple.  I bet you have a good idea for your evening too!