BECOMING CLOSER TO WHO WE ARE MEANT TO BE

We've all said it:  "I need to steal some time for myself." Sadly, that is the word we use:  steal.  As if we aren't worth it.   

As if work, errands, email, appointments--just about anything we can think of--are worth more than we.  Not true.  The time we take for ourselves should be sacred.  What happens during these times?  We relax and recuperate.  We become inspired and think creatively.  We renew our bodies and connect with nature.  We follow educational and pleasurable pursuits.  We solve problems, we reach flow states.  We even, praise be, find inner peace.  We become that much closer to who we are meant to be.  

There are negative lessons we think we learn through pain and loss.  Not to trust, for example.  Or to expect the worst.  Or that we're not valued.  These "pseudo-lessons" I will call them, often arise out of mistreatment or betrayal by those who owe us more, such as a parent or partner.  But they are pseudo lessons because they are not valid. Repeat:  not valid. They don't lead us to who we are meant to be. 

One untrustworthy person does not make trusting too risky.  Even a string of bad experiences does not make the next experience more likely to be bad.  (In fact, it makes it more likely to be good.)  Feeling undeserving of happiness, love or security is evidence of a problem in someone else, not in you or me.  The fault is with whatever or whomever made us feel that way, whether it is a toxic substance or a toxic person.

But what about the lessons we're taught through happy surprises and spontaneity?  My knitting group has been worried about a friend who has been absent; a lot going on with her that she might label bad experiences.  When she showed up, she gave the group a lift. We know we are meant to there for each other and her presence made that more possible. 

I thought a recent weekend would be lonely.  As much as I love puttering, I wanted a bit of socializing.  Then our granddaughter and family accepted a last-minute Friday night invite to supper.  I thought they'd be too busy.  A friend and her husband suggested a potluck for Saturday and some TV.  Our ex-son-in-law's mother called and said our shared grandsons would be with her on Sunday and we should join them.  Imagine, we are still good friends with our ex-son-in-law's mother.  How fortuitous is that? 

What do I learn from these surprises?  Perhaps that the gentlest lessons teach us the most. That the unexpected is usually something good, not bad.  That someone's spontaneity, yours or mine, may bring happiness to ourselves and others.  That being alone and following our own heart or being with others and listening to theirs, both bring joy.  Aren't these small things making us closer to who we are meant to be?  

ONE WORLD ONE DAY AT A TIME

"It is a serious thing

 Just to be alive

 On this fresh morning

 In this broken world.
. . .
It could mean something.
It could mean everything.
It could be what Rilke meant when he wrote:
You must change your life."

Mary Oliver

If ever there was a time to live one day at a time this is it.  China, Italy, the US, France, the whole world. Every one of us is affected, some worse than others.  I have a friend in intensive care, test not back yet. Yet here I am blogging; here you are reading.  Life goes on.

I'm taking Mary Oliver's words out of context I know.  She was writing a poem about the natural world not a pandemic.  She was admonishing us to interrupt our "busy and very important" day to listen to the song of a riotous goldfinch.  There are other things now that interrupt our fresh mornings.  I can't help but see these words applying to us in a different way.  It is a serious thing just to be alive with all our world is going through.  

All of us people with a common interest.  And most of us today likely at home.  Unless you're a health care or other essential worker.  Or unless you are hospitalized like my friend. Or without a home in a shelter. Otherwise, like me, you're probably practicing social distancing by staying put.  In some areas we're ordered to stay put.  It's a serious thing.  We are changing our lives.  

Some days ago I started a post about all the free time we now magically have, now that our calendars are wiped clean.  Looking for the positive side of social distancing, a term we never even used before. The post was triggered by the cancellation of sports events and concerts.  Then the schools closed. Now movie houses, bars, restaurants, shops, malls . . . .  It's become hard to think of something that isn't closed, cancelled or should be.   

How to respond?  I think we're all doing it right.  We're following best practices and staying apart.  We're not hoarding. (The on-line seller who stripped three states of necessary sanitizing supplies has donated them.)  We're supporting each other.  I love that I've been getting phone calls rather than texts.  We have time to chat.  I love that we have time.  The excuse, "I'm too busy," is gone. 

So my To-Do and Could-Do lists are all different.  Yesterday my husband and I had time for a walk together around the Duke East Campus track.  It drizzled but so what?  Last night I watched Puccini's La Boheme; the NY Metropolitan Opera has launched a free "Nightly Met Opera" stream of encore live HD performances on their website. How I love that score!  The music soars, giving Mary Oliver's goldfinch a run for its money for sure.  What a creative gift to the world during this stressful time.    

Today I'll start on the de-cluttering I sort-of-enjoy-but-can-put-off-indefinitely.  It stares at me from every shelf and closet and I can't say I don't have time to tackle it. Not for the foreseeable future.  So . . . old clothes, frayed linens, mystery photos; closets and cabinets; all are in my sights. Cans of dried paint, used florescent lights, rusty chicken wire, leaves and dirt; the garage will be next.  

Like all of us, I'm also cooking more.  At our house that's a plus and a minus.  Saves money, which is good. But my heritage is English and German cooking.  Diner food.  How I envy those raised by French and Italian mamas and grandmas  There are times we want to eat something I just can't cook. Still, a chance to learn.  I just looked up recipes for a Classic Aioli: I've got an egg, olive oil, garlic, lemon, salt and pepper. Simple.  Good on chicken, fish, veggies.
 

A trip to the UK has been cancelled so that's a savings too.  Though I had it all planned, staying where we lived when our daughter was born.  Hard to forego.  It's our favorite place. But haven't I been learning how to better cope with disappointment?  These downsides are a chance to put mindfulness to the test.  And prayer.  Both calm anxiety and fear. That's been shown.  

Keeping the kids on task, working from home, or coping with furlough and less income.  It is one day at a time, isn't it?  It is "we're all in this together."  It is a time to do all those things at home that in normal times we save for our day off. And to be creative, in every way.  To love each other.  

I have a feeling this is Part I of a series.  Take care please everyone,  Nina Naomi