One time I was telling a friend that my life isn't what I expected it to be. "No one's is," she said. In her case, her newborn son received bad medical care that led to severe disability. She became wise overnight. The power of love can do that. It can eclipse all else. I was her lawyer.
I didn't expect to go to law school. I didn't expect to lose our grown son to cancer. I didn't expect to live most of my life in the South. I didn't know that mental illness would affect our family. Although any grandparent could have told me, I didn't expect my love for our grandchildren to overflow like the rising sea. I bet most of us, for good or ill, aren't living just as we expected. From this we learn, from the good that happens to us and from things that we wouldn't wish on anyone.
For me, I'm always discovering what needs to be turned over to God. A broken heart surely, something that's past. Suffering, something that's present. And fear, something that's future. So, in my life, and yours also, the past, present and future can be given to God. I do what I can but at the close of the day the hardest things I cannot bear alone.
Our soul abides in mystery. As does much else, not a bad thing. We learn to live in harmony with the mystery that surrounds us. Although journeys may have ends, it's the journey itself that is real life. The endings are not ours to know.
The greatest thief of time is worry. Worry and procrastination, self-criticism and self-judgment get us nowhere. In the extreme they lead to resentment, fatigue and depression. We should be kind to ourselves every day. This is not selfish or self-indulgent, any more than being kind to others; it is a requirement of life. Virginia Woolfe (1882-1941) says, "In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us." Memory is therapy. While solitude may be hard to come by for some, her words remind us how well-spent such time can be. Everyone needs time when they don't move to the rhythm of others.
The difference between abundance and lack may be focusing on what is present in our lives instead of what is missing. Such a simple idea. Simplicity and abundance are soul mates. I read about a way to use the word "but" to transform a mood. "I can't afford to entertain but I've invited friends for a potluck." "My kitchen needs a remodel, but I make delicious meals in it." "I've been working long hours, but my children are growing in responsibility." Such a positive way to settle our emotions about something we can't change, or at least not right away. Years ago, when we were contemplating a move (that didn't happen), I could see the concern on my mother-in-law's face. She had already relocated to be near us. I told her, "We'll find a house and school for the children, then you can find an apartment and we'll all find a church." How did she rally? "Well, I am good at making friends," she said.
A charitable, or cheerful, or empathetic person confers anonymous benefits on each person they encounter. Whomever they meet is made better in the moment. The same with someone unkind or irritable or self-centered. Whomever they encounter is made to feel just a little bit worse. So many ways to make the world better are not available to me. That list is long. But how easy to lift someone's day by sharing your own welcoming mood. Why spread frustration?
So, my life isn't what I expected it to be. Maybe (probably) yours isn't either. In some very basic ways, my life is much worse. People who lose a child do hold that distinction. But it is also a life that gives me feelings of joy and contentment, acceptance and peace. I expect that good feelings anchor your life as well. Perhaps that's true for all of us. That we are made resilient and buoyed by hope. What more can we want for each other? And for this, let us give thanks.
Nina Naomi
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