I TOOK A DEEP BREATH AND LISTENED TO MY HEART.

Berthe Morisot, Two Girls (1894)

Thoughts for the day:

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart.  I am, I am, I am," Sylvia Plath (1932-1963). This American poet and author succumbed to depression at age 30, when there were fewer tools to help.  But we can see that she was trying to save herself with her words. Her cry is important. "I am" is a promise, to ourselves and to those who love us. Many years ago, a 19-year-old friend took his own life.  We never forget the first death of someone in our generation.  I wrote in my Diary then, "I am to live."  That helped me to differentiate my emotions from his, which seemed important to me, so young myself.    

Now I know that we can help love ourselves into repair. This is something that happens slowly as we accept our feelings. Think about this:  God gave us each of our feelings and all of our emotions. There is nothing about us that God did not create as part of our humanity.  Nothing about us that we have to suppress, including negative emotions.  Goodness, don't we all feel bad sometimes?  Lonely or misunderstood?  It's not just OK to sit with our emotions; it's best.  We can let whatever is in our heart breathe.  Grief is the most demanding emotion of all.  Fear second.  They have to be felt. 

Being kind to ourselves every day is a requirement of life. This takes many forms, as we know.  For me, I talk to my mother whenever I need to, even though she is no longer alive.  My father did too, because she died 10 years before he did.  When someone has loved us, we keep their memory alive as a comfort or guide.  

I try to honor those anniversaries that are sad as well as happy.  One in particular in my life causes sadness, anger, grief and confusion.  I try to live with that.  In direst times we look for ways to make a tapestry out of the unraveling of life.  We don't want to fear our feelings.   

We want to take a deep breath and listen to our heart.