LORD, TEACH US TO COPE

  

Someone I read the other day wrote about distancing as a fair way of coping.  Resistance, activism, helping others--but then in our arsenal as well, distancing.

What am I talking about? That no one in America is immune from the current destruction of our society.  SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) runs out now.  It may be reinstated by the courts, but over this regime's opposition, and even though the money is there to fund it.  Hungry people, the old, the young, the disabled used as leverage.   The kind of cruelty you see in war, an evil never justified.

Distancing is a respite from anger, frustration and despair.  It's a regrouping so that we don't give up.  It's a temporary move to reboot and refresh. It's not apathy.  It's self-care.  And it's OK.  

We can call it a refresh.  I've been doing that for a few posts. But whatever we call it, it's healthy.  It's healthy even if we are the hungry one.  It's healthy to go outside, take the kids for a walk, look at the leaves, gather acorns and pine cones, think about something else.  I did that today.  

I admit, I am not hungry.  I am privileged in my old age to be self-sufficient.  Why I have been given this blessing I do not know. But none of us takes it for granted.  None of us can take credit; we all work hard, we all do our best, maybe especially those who worry about each meal.  

Everyday we should try to do something other than worry.  Donating makes us feel good; if we have enough, it's the least we can do. Volunteering if we have time and strength.  This afternoon going outdoors into our woods brought home what we want to preserve. 

We are having friends over tonight.  They have been through some hard times.  Cancer strikes young as well as old.  That is their family tragedy right now.  We know how that feels.  Our young son died of cancer twenty years ago this year. No one forgets.  So I made a tablescape of acorns, nuts and luminous fall leaves.  I added some blossoms from the mums in the yard.  And a candle.  Honestly, so simple but gratifying.  Friends, maybe some music, a prayer before the meal, a supper of fish and rice and greens.  We won't talk politics.  We'll take a respite.  We'll show love to each other.  

My prayer is that I will do more for others; that goodness will prevail; that God will help us defeat evil, the evil that is trying to destroy our democracy and even the White House itself. The rest of the prayer we might leave to God.  Fashion the prayer we need, please Lord.  Teach us to pray as you did with the "Our Father."  Help us never loose our humanity.  Echoing a past Sunday's Prayer of the Day, "Pour out your Holy Spirit on your faithful people. . . protect and comfort them in times of trial [and] defend them against all enemies of the gospel."   AMEN

A MINDFUL BALANCE

 

I'm still here in Santa Barbara enjoying our friends' home while they travel, house-sitting, so to speak, while our house survives on its own. Our friend is Romanian and she and her husband wanted to spend her special birthday with her family who live in the Carpathian Mountains near the border with Ukraine.  So although I think about Ukraine nearly everyday, now it has been more. 

 I took part in the recent HANDS OFF protest here.  For such a small city, 5000 participants is a lot.  They say 3 million of us protested at over 1400 locations in all 50 states. I want to be at every peaceful protest I can.  Hands Off my social security and medicare, hands off gay friends and trans children, hands off our National Parks, our schools and teachers' unions, medical research and universities, aid to victims of famine and war, those seeking asylum . . . .  But all hands on deck to support Ukraine, Israeli hostages and Palestinians in Gaza.  Don't give Ukraine to Putin.   

When we were young marrieds, we lived in Cleveland, Ohio during protests there.. I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri where I was too young to participate in the protests.  We lived in London for a few years too.  No one exercises their free speech more than the Brits. I hope if you want to, you're finding a way to be heard.  It's a kind of agency.  

Life today seems like a balance between remaining aware and self-care, at least my life does.  I begin the day with online news--what civil rights challenges are we facing today?  Are the courts still holding?  As a lawyer that's my first concern and yes, they still are--not perfect but not caving to the attacks on our freedoms.  

Then the self-care.  That has turned out to be the easy part, I hope for you too.  Here in Santa Barbara the majestic Pacific is down the street.  We drive to the top of the hill that runs by our friends' street and there it is, wide and glistening.  Once the ocean is in sight, it is everywhere.  The Channel Islands are outlined just out of focus but visible.  The air is clear, not humid like North Carolina, not hot either. Just right.

We have sought out every little thing the area has to offer.  We found the seal rookery, a butterfly grove where monarchs settle in winter, some cave paintings in the Los Padres national forest . . . .  I hope you love where you live and where you visit.  North Carolina Piedmont is nothing like the California coast but I love it.  I love Durham, the woods that surround us, the hot summers, the deer out our door, my aging home with doors that stick and windows that won't open and cracks in the walls.  I refuse to believe the kitchen is outdated or the landscaping non-existent. As much as I like DIY blogs and hacks, we are just fine as we are.  

So that's it.  A balance.  Do for others, do for self.  Don't give up, don't despair, continue to thrive.  And since I am a Christian to whom faith comes easily: "This is the Day that the Lord Hath Made.  Let us Rejoice and be Glad in It."  

                     Nina Naomi

 

ME: YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST. HEART: NO, IT CHANGES YOU.

 

Mr. Wiggles

  Me:  I love the way you follow me.

  Mr. Wiggles:  That's my job.  I find somebody to love  and follow.

  Me:  God made you a wonderful being.

  Mr. Wiggles:  You too. 

 

   

Me:  You're so green! And the daisies make my heart sing!

Meadow:  I feel the same! 

Me:  I know a poem . . . 

Meadow:  Yes, me too.  "Mine, O thou Lord of life, send my roots rain." 

Me:  How could you. . .?

Meadow:  How could I not?

                                   

Me:  You can't change the past.    

Heart:  No, it changes you.

Me:  It's immutable.

Heart:  It does fade though, like everything else.

Me:  When?

Heart:  When it doesn't matter. 

Me:  That sounds negative.

Heart:  Would you have me be a Pollyanna? 

Me:  No one knows what that means anymore.

Heart:  Like I said, it doesn't matter.  

 

HOMEMADE SELF-HELP

A Selection of Found Insights

Stop investing energy in imagining scenarios that trigger anxiety. 

Feeling guilty causes mild yet chronic stress. 

If we can't forget at least we can forgive.


Feeling flattered is a bad counselor. 

Believe in Ourselves, Possibility, the Future, Kindness, God's Goodness, the People who Love Us, Generosity . . . 

Forgiving isn't condoning; it's taking back control, giving ourselves the freedom to move forward.  There is no moving forward without forgiveness.

Give the Gift of Love.

When we have sad thoughts remember they too will pass.

When we try something new it is at first irksome rather than pleasant; give it time.

Clear our minds with actions that take concentration.  Focus is calming.

There is good news everywhere when we're not depressed. 


Most things that make us happy are Free:  Curiosity, Friendship, Laughter, Nature, our Instincts, Change, Growth, Discovery . . . 

Prayer is the Soul's Way of coping with Reality.

If we have a choice, choose what's best for us.

Be affectionate, be tender, be present.

If we're upset by a memory write in our Journal; Give it to God.

Read.  Lose ourselves in a Book.  Immerse ourselves in a parallel literary landscape.  Mindful reading may be the ultimate balm for our tech-worn brains.  Merge the story with our own memories and experiences.  Live elsewhere. 

Doing nothing for a while expands our sense of time which makes us feel less hurried and stressed.  

Travel gives us distance from our daily worries.  That's one reason it's valuable. 

A Handbook for Happiness might be to Slow Down, Enjoy what we have, Make the most of Where We Live. 

The Simple Things, January 2020 @Icebergpress.co.uk

 

   

  

 

 












  






   











  

"DO MORE OF THAT"

"YOU KNOW HOW EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

YOU DO SOMETHING AND THE LITTLE

VOICE INSIDE SAYS, 'THERE. THAT'S

IT.  THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE' ... AND

YOU GET A WARM GLOW IN YOUR HEART

BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE?

DO MORE OF THAT."

Jacob Nordby

Now that's a Christmas gift!  Let's give it to ourselves right now! 

"NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE"

I could be quoting Annie Lamott or Psychology Today or Mindful.org or Megan Le Boutillier or any number of sources or people.  I could be quoting my Dad when he wondered what my teenage self didn't understand about "no."  

But there's another kind of "no," the no that's needed when we're deciding how to spend our time.  After all, what else is irreplaceable, limited and will cease at an unknown point? The Stoic philosopher Seneca (4 BC-65AD) said to guard it as we would our most precious possession. I know I don't do that.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who ended his days in a concentration camp, said that "Time lost is time when we have not lived a full human life, time unenriched by experience, creative endeavour, enjoyment, and suffering."  Most of us don't wish we had more time to suffer, but we know what he means: time spent grieving is time wisely spent, time spent empathizing is time wisely spent, likewise time spent sharing another's sorrow.  

There are times, though, when we must say no.  These include the times some of us are tempted to say "yes" because our culture prizes busy-ness, or because we see people on social media whose lives seem curated to perfection.  Or in a work setting, because we are trying to get ahead, build a business or reputation, or just stay afloat, and we are afraid to turn down any opportunity.  Not FOMO exactly, but perhaps a lack of faith in ourselves or our future if we take a moment to breathe.  As a lawyer, it took a long time for me not to answer the question "How are you?" with anything other than "Busy" or worse, "Super busy," whether it was true at the moment or not. Busy had status.

We should strive, experts say, to say "no" without guilt, even when the alternatives we are choosing are doing something for our self or doing nothing at all.  We don't have to explain.  "No I can't" or "No I'm already over-committed" is enough.  This leaves no room for challenge or pressure.  

Saying "no" to ourselves can also be part of our self-care.  Creating protective boundaries not only for others to observe but for us to respect as well.  Like saying "no" to apps that send us alerts multiple times a day.  Or "no" to obsessively checking our email (yes even work email). Or to checking our phone before we've gotten out of bed.  It's a way to choose how we spend our time.  A way to remember it's not always something that matters.  We matter too. 

Seneca talks about how one who borrows the smallest, cheapest item acknowledges the debt but even the most grateful cannot repay the time they have taken from us.  Nor can we reclaim the time we have given away.  So if tomorrow is a work day or school day we set our alarms.  For what is already scheduled we hope we have made good choices, that we would utter the same "yes" or "no" again.  For what is to come let us make choices that we don't regret, either now or in the future.  Let us fearlessly recognize that "No is a complete sentence." This is something we can work on; it would be time well spent, wouldn't it?                
                                                             Wishing us all Success, Nina Naomi