WHEN WE WAKE . . .

When we wake in the morning at sixes and sevens this just might be existential dread.  After all, how many people awake with self-assurance and aplomb?  

Well, perhaps the truly narcissistic but thankfully that's not most of us.  Most of us do not talk about our innate superiority.  That phrase would not come to mind.  Most of us do not pass our names on billboards every day, as if we knew something others did not.  Most of us do not deceive ourselves and those around us.  We are not users.  We are not monetizers. 

Instead, we wake with a very normal anxiety about life. We are not looking for validation from anyone but God and those we love.  We savor small moments that bring us contentment.  We accept love, even if it is inconsistent with something that happened in the past.  We welcome apologies and we forgive.  We learn to pause and live in the adagio.  We trust our instincts.  

For most of us, God is our silent companion.  God illuminates our path.  We do not want to go it alone. We connect with friends and strangers and never for self-aggrandizement.  We have nothing to market.  

We go deep.  We learn to live in the present moment.  We accept each day as a gift.  In this season, as winter's darkness closes in, we find the light.  We look for rituals for our stressed souls.  We pray.  We journal.  We ponder.  We walk.  We write.  We create.  We enjoy the birds who find the berries on our holly. We watch for the moon and the stars.  

We can live a lifetime and know more about other people than we do about ourselves.  Alice Walker (b. 1944) says that the most foreign country is within; we are our own dark continent.  Yes, we've noticed:  the journey to find ourselves is the longest journey we ever take.  For myself, I find God easier than I find myself.  My trust in God is certain.  

The poet Anne Sexton (1928-1974) says that "Saints have no moderation, nor do poets.  Just exuberance."  I am not like that, but I would like to be.  Not like a saint, but like a poet.  Like someone who sees the hand of God everywhere and is grateful.  To be on a path of life where prayer is the mortar that holds us together.  

Yes, this could be a safe awakening.  This would be enough.    

                                                Nina Naomi