Sometimes a pain is so deep that we have to repeatedly cleanse the wound. This is what Letting go is about. not denying a hurt or the reality of what caused it. That doesn't work. We can reframe a narrative but not without admitting, "Someone or something hurt me. Something I thought would never happen did happen. I can't change that fact."
Letting go is a mental state where we no longer cause ourselves extra suffering. A reminder, or trigger, is a stimulus that causes a painful memory to resurface. We don't bring them on ourselves. They just happen. When they do, it can pull the past forward so that our body may react as it did then. If this has happened to you, you know how your breath changes, you lose focus, you may retreat.
As time goes on, each reminder may reach deeper levels of sadness or trauma which we then let go by facing the mental weight of the former pain and letting it pass. Miraculously all emotions do pass. Such is how we are made. We know that happiness and joy don't last forever, but sadness, fear, anger the same. Yes, they may recur, but we let them dissipate again.
This is not as bad as it seems. It is not hopeless. Not at all. In fact, it can be transformative. We note how the heavy weight of an event lessons. Reminders that may have stalled us for days or weeks do not. Our mental reserves replenish more quickly. If we don't fight what is happening, we conserve energy; mental tension does not consume us. We recognize how we feel but give it only the space it needs to move on. we do not feed the flames. We promise not to make ourselves feel worse. It is a promise we can keep; we each have so many ways to cope. (This writing is one.)
Letting go does not mean forgetting, not of what we wish we could forget nor of what we wish to hold dear. For those of us who have lost someone, forgetting is what we most fear. But letting go of grief is not letting go of those dearest to us. For years I had a mantra I used with my despair over the death of our son whose name is Adam: "More Adam, Less Grief." Focus on him not my (and, Dear God, his) loss. (Yes, writing this my breath has changed.)
In a different scenario, if you have forgiven someone their hurt, let that thought come forward. There is a reason you forgave (or were yourself forgiven). It was a choice you made listening to your heart and to God. That's where the transformation comes in. That's where the narrative can be reframed, and honestly so. "I was brave when I took the steps that led to forgiveness." "I save what matters most to me." "Dear God, thank you."
There may also be something to forgive yourself for and heal. I would like to forgive myself for not sitting with my father the entire day that he died. His last months were hard on him but on me too. the death of a Parent can be like that. Sometimes neither of you is much good at comforting the other. When I returned to his side at 3 pm it was hard to tell death from life. After an hour and a half of checking, the hospice nurse said he was gone.
So, we have deep pain and need deep healing from many things in many ways. We have wounds to cleanse and emotions to survive. And we do. We know that just a sigh can be a prayer that is answered. We don't deny or avoid our feelings and we don't accept minimization from others. In these ways we follow the nature God has given us.
And we do so much more than survive. We become role models. We nurture others. We take care of ourselves. We take every gift we have been given and use it for good. We count our blessings and at the end of the day live in joy.
I think I will say, Thanks be to God. Nina Naomi
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