SOMETHING NEW AND WONDERFUL EVERY DAY

This is what I found this morning.  I don't know why I've never seen it before.  

hello darling

I adore you I adore

I adore you I adore you

and tomorrow I plan to

adore you even more.

XOXOX

Isn't this wonderful?  As a greeting at workday's end, as a turning in bed in the morning, or in the middle of the night? To a lover or a child or anyone whom we adore?  I was merely browsing in a sundance catalogue (WWW.SUNDANCECATALOGUE.COM) this morning when I saw the quote on a pillow for sale.  It made me want to learn to embroider.  Surely I could practice writing this with calligraphy and then embroider it with lovely colored thread.  And I have just the right person to give it to.  I wish it were all finished and propped up for a photograph. 

What a happy way to begin the day.  Here is another, also from sundance.  

He said there are two ways

to live your life.  One is

as though Nothing is a Miracle,

the other is as though EVERY

THING is a Miracle.  

I don't know who wrote either of these.  But it's a reminder that something bright can enter our day in the most ordinary of ways.  Especially when we are open to it.  I am reminded of a quote I put on my collage this year at my friend's 2018 Vision Quest (See Post: For What Should We Pray?).  It goes, 

Don't wait for a Good Day.

Make today a Good Day.  

I think somehow, with no effort at all, I have made today a good day.  Thank you, God.  

 

HEALTHY ATTITUDES (USING PRIVATE SORROW)

It seems that a certain amount of self-promotion in our jobs or creative endeavors is healthy.  We need to share our honest confidence in ourselves as employees or as entrepreneurs with our bosses or the public we want to reach.  We work hard, we have talents and we have livings to make. 

But I've run into other kinds of self-promotion that, well, don't seem so healthy. I'm talking about using one's private sorrow as a stepping-stone to saturation fame.   The creation of a persona:  "I am young and adorable.  I thought I had the world on a string.  Then a catastrophe befell me [a disease or problem or affliction] that knocked me off my feet. Tested my presumptions.  But with the help of God, and friends, and all of you strangers, I am coping."

So, "contact me, be my Friend, buy my books, enter my drawing for one of my free books, write-in for my Advice on your Life Quandaries, join my Team, listen to my podcast, listen to me on someone else's podcast, click on my discussion guide, follow me, come to my events . . . . "  

A kind of layered hubris.  I thought my life was the best.  Then I found out it wasn't.  But I am so handling it.  You can too.  I can show you how to be me.  Or how to be a friend to people like me.  Or what I want.  Or what people like me want.  You'll love my story. 

Seeing this is perplexing. No one wants something bad for another, whether that person is young and adorable or old and heavy-laden.  We want the best for each other, friends or strangers.  We're made to be compassionate. We especially have empathy for someone young facing problems meant to be confronted after a life-time. 

We don't expect wisdom from the young, but humility is a virtue available at any age.  For those who are self-centered, on the other hand, perhaps we can help them see that every moment counts.  If you have a child, don't travel to promote an endeavor.  Spend that time with the child.  Don't email, tweet or blog all morning.  Keep your toddler home and be mom or dad.  If you are a child of God read the Psalms, not audience stats.   

This is asking a lot.  It is asking maturity from the young.  But if we are not young, we owe it to share what we've learned. We're not promoting anything, least of all ourselves.  Here it is: Time always runs out and no one ever says, "I spent too much time with my family.  I should have spent more time traveling for work, promoting myself, getting my due, being admired, gathering more Likes, selling more books."  No one.  

Maybe all that goes on in the world today affects the way we see things.  It does for me, I know.  Clearly fame, fortune and best sellers are transient. Someone whose life is short has less time for mistakes.  That could mean any of us, myself included.  Let not conceit be one of those mistakes.  Love, Nina Naomi

"WHAT IF I FALL?" "OH BUT MY DARLING, WHAT IF YOU FLY?"

There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?  
by Erin Hanson

Do you love this poem?  "What if I fall?"  "Oh but my darling, What if you fly?"  It's the direct address, "my darling," that sets this quote apart.  The poetic speaker shows the questioner such tenderness.  The speaker is excited for the questioner, wants magic for the questioner.  The poetic speaker wants this for us, the reader.  We are the one asking the question.  We are the fearful one being encouraged. The speaker is anticipating what we want, what we fear and what we need.  

I first thought the amazing thing about this poem was that the poet, Erin Hanson of Brisbane, Australia, was only 19 when she wrote it.  And that she has written many beautiful poems.  Poems that speak to us with simple rhyme schemes and a bit of whimsy.  Such as, 

Your blindness to my downfall,

Has gone too far to be a joke,

As I stand ablaze before you,

And you tell me you smell smoke. 

Or the line, 

If you cannot be the poet, be the poem.

Of course many writers begin young and surely the ones who last do. Anne Frank (1929-1945) was a girl when she kept her Diary. Poet and writer Sylvia Plath (1932-1963) wrote at a young age.   And some of the world's greatest poets wrote and died young.  John Keats (1795-1821), still one of the most studied British poets, died of tuberculosis at age 25.  

What is so lovely about Erin Hanson's (www.thepoeticunderground.com) poem is that it reminds us that there are people like the poetic speaker in our lives.  I hear my mother's voice in the quote, "Oh but my darling what if you fly?"  Not only that, we can be this person for someone.  The person who never ever says, "You can't do it.  Don't even try."   

We can be this person for ourselves too.  We can whisper these words, gently encourage, lead with love.  I can say to myself when I have doubts, "Oh but my darling, What if you fly?" What if our hearts soar, our spirits rise, our souls lift off?  A good thing, yes?  I want to have this friend.  But even more I want to be this friend.  Even to a stranger.  Me to you and you to me. 

"THIS IS YOUR KINGDOM," (OR HOW TO MAKETHE MOST OF YOUR DAY OFF)

I decided to use my day off for a day-trip.  I picked Pittsboro, a lovely small town about an hour away.  And in fact Pittsboro is a kingdom of sorts because it lies in Chatham County which is named for William Pitt, the 1st Earl of Chatham, England.  Chatham is 32 miles from London in the southeastern County of Kent.  Pittsboro itself is named for William Pitt the Younger (1759-1806), the youngest Prime Minister of the UK.  So, a very English town. 

French Connection, Pittsboro, NC

This lovely old home houses a shop that features French fabrics, African arts and crafts and metal sculptures from Monterrey, Mexico.  Huge 18-wheelers arrive quarterly from Mexico with sculptures made from tin drums and other cast-off metals.  Perfect recycling.  I bought a quirky yellow pelican for the top of a totem-pole tree I am decorating. 

French Fabrics

The rest of the town is just as charming.  About 3,700 people live in Pittsboro.  The historic district has coffee shops, vintage boutiques, art galleries, antique shops, restaurants and bars, just about everything to make for an excellent day trip. 

There's also a first-class woodworking school with sold-out classes in hand-carving, window joinery, spoon carving, bench work, puzzle pots, memento boxes, etc.  Windsor chairs are a specialty (www.woodwrightschool.com).  If you're not into that, there's Shag Dancing. What fun to take a class in that!

On the way back I stopped at Fearrington Village to see the herds of black and white belted cows and goats that graze there.  One was close enough to rub its head.  And I passed a pottery studio in a little turquoise and cobalt house off the road with an OPEN sign.  The owner is Lyn Morrow (www.lynmorrowpottery.com), a local ceramic artist who trained in Perugia, Italy!  I thought that was amazing. I loved talking with her.  With North Carolina clay thwarting gardeners all over the state, we are big on pottery.  

My local kingdom doesn't have palaces or tombs of famous kings and queens, or churches with brass rubbings, or most of the things we love to see when we travel abroad.  But the day off was great!  If you are driving up or down the eastern corridor, meander off I-95 a bit and enjoy Pittsboro, North Carolina on Hwy 15-501 through mostly country.  Or better yet, enjoy your own kingdom on your day off.   

Fearrington Village Belted Cows

SIMPLE NESTING INSIDE AND OUT

We think of nesting as an inside pleasure. But of course other species like to nest outside (except Wiggles who prefers his bed) and we can too. Both are good.  The Simple Things (thesimplethings@icebergpress.co.uk)--my go-to, relaxing, inspirational, missing-the-UK magazine has a feature called NEST--Love Your Home Inside and Out.  It reminds us that this time of year is perfect for finding comfort in simple things like our own nesting places.  

Morning Place to Nest

 

Afternoon Place to Nest

Outdoor Place to Nest

My house is somewhat random minimalist.  Less to dust, less to trip over, more room for kids' cartwheels.  The afternoon chair is from a consignment shop ($69), the outdoor nest from Target and Home Depot.  Nothing to make me feel guilty (Post:  "Be Happy with What You've Got"). 

What's best about nesting is the time to relax and think.  (Well, not always. A child may want to play Old Maid or roast marshmallows by the fire.)  Thinking costs nothing.  It is the simplest of pastimes. Not repetitive dead-end thoughts (something that's over, that we didn't deserve, and can't undo), but thoughts that give energy and pleasure.  They can be reflective of what's good about our lives, or enjoyment of the very moment, or plans for a wonderful future.  I was thinking about what depletes my energy and what builds it and how to do more of the latter.  Your list may be similar.  What builds my energy is yoga, pottery-making, blogging, reading, working in the yard, cooking, being with friends, loving, planning travel, theatre, seeing new things, eating out. . . .Next nesting session I may work on how to do more of these.  

What do you like?  Tucking in your children?  Reading to them?  Being outside?  Singing?  Getting to know others?  Going to a party?  Dressing up?  Some people say it's important that we know our desires.  I bet that's true.  Nesting is a good start. 



  

HEALTHY ATTITUDES (SELF-MARKETING )

Charlotte Day(www.calmmoment.com)

Question:   Is self-promotion a healthy way to cope with sadness?

First sadness.  I mean the kind of sadness that can become despair. The kind a parent might feel about their child who spends more time in the hospital than out.  Or a young person might feel who won't live to raise their child. Grief that comes by bayonet.    

Perhaps we cannot each think of those kind of sadnesses, but it is more likely that we can.  This week we have the horror of the shooting at the school in Florida.  Our flags again are at half-mast. 

Now coping.  Coping is accepting care from friends and family and even strangers.  What happens in hospital waiting rooms in the dark when strangers under blankets share their reasons for spending the night.  What happens when family comes every weekend, then begins to take time off work, and finally moves in.

What happens when friends bring food and offer rides and lie in bed with you to talk when you can't get up.  What happens when your father dies and you hold his dead hand and call your brother and he says a prayer over the phone for the three of you. 

Coping can also be something creative.  Carly Simon (b. 1945) wrote a song after her mother died:  "I'll wait for you no more like a daughter.  That part of our life together is over.  But I will wait for you forever like a river."  It's beautiful. I remember my mother when I play it.  

John Crowe Ransom (1888-1974) wrote an elegy when his friend's daughter died, "Bells for John Whiteside's Daughter." Joan Dideon (b. 1934) wrote The Year of Magical Thinking (2005) after her husband died and Blue Nights (2011) after the death of their daughter. 

All these creative endeavors are coping strategies.  We set up scholarships, begin foundations, plant memorial gardens, donate "in memory of," and find ways to incorporate our grief into a life that is still well-lived.  If we are the one facing death we do the same.  As a medical malpractice attorney I have seen this many times.  A young mother writes a diary for the son she won't raise, or secretes away years' worth of gifts for him.  

What has this to do with self-promotion?  Usually nothing. Usually our consolations do not involve promoting ourselves.  Until recently I had not seen marketing one's self in circumstances where we might not expect it. Now I have.  Quote: "Because I am sick I know the ten things sick people want to hear and the ten things they don't want to hear.  Buy my book to read more." Or, "Share my book on your web site for a chance to receive an autographed copy."  Followed by, "If you missed my interview--ah, what an opportunity--here is the link."  

When we face difficulties we must choose our way.  I knew the wife of a dying man who decided he would wear only cashmere.  Cashmere robes, blankets, sweaters, even pajamas.  He found comfort in these soft, expensive things.  His wife worried because they were too poor for luxuries. She wished he would find consolation in her and the children.

If one's health is tenuous, a success in another area of life may be of great comfort.  Everyone loves my song, or book, or painting, (or blog) may translate into everyone loves me.  Perhaps a solace when the flip side is uncertainty or what is worse: certainty.  

But still I wonder whether marketing one's personal struggles for commercial success or a modicum of fame is the healthiest consolation.  Not the writing itself, which is known to bring peace and clarity, but the marketing.  Could that be the antithesis of healthy?  Does wrapping the story in spirituality make it better or worse? 

I don't have the answer.  But I do have the question. 

THANKS, ROBERT FROST

Do you have hope for the future?

someone asked Robert Frost, toward the end.

Yes, and even for the past, he replied,

that it will turn out to have been all right

for what it was, something we can accept,

mistakes made by the selves we had to be,

not able to be, perhaps, what we wished,

or what looking back half the time it seems 

we could so easily have been, or ought. . . 

The future, yes, and even for the past,

that it will become something we can bear.

And I too, and my children, so I hope,

will recall as not too heavy the tug

of those albatrosses I sadly placed

upon their tender necks.  Hope for the past,

yes, old Frost, your words provide that courage,

and it brings strange peace that itself passes

into past, easier to bear because

you said it, rather casually, as snow

went on falling in Vermont years ago.  

by David Ray (b. 1932)

On August 19, 2017 I posted "We Can Never Change the Past; It Changes Us."  But I'm also going to trust Frost as much as I am able.  This is too hopeful not to embrace.  Part of the dimming of hurts.  So important.