HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Why even think of this phrase?  We all know that "Happily Ever After" is borrowed from fairy tales and means that in the future everything will turn out fine.  In fairy tales the setting is marriage--a prince marries a woman who becomes his princess.  This was supposed to happen to Princess Diana, but her Prince loved another and she died in a car crash.  Maybe right this minute Jennifer Lopez thinks being Mrs. Ben Affleck is her happily-ever-after. People magazine says so. Wouldn't it be nice if it were?  We have an old friend who has been a widower twice and perhaps this third marriage will be happily-ever-after.  Almost 80, they met on Match.com.  

I feel like my marriage is a happily-ever-after marriage with emphasis on the ever-after.  It's a wonderful, strong marriage to my best friend and lover.  But there are tragedies, miscues, arguments, life . . . .  So I'm deciding that our happily-ever-after moments don't have to be big or even romantic.  They're things like the laughter of every day and the closeness of every night.  My happily-ever-after isn't a life without pain.  It's joy and peace and abandonment to love that survives even unspeakable grief.  

Happily-ever-after gets you up in the morning for tea or coffee, taking out the dog or greeting someone who is your heartbeat. It doesn't mean no sadness or struggling.  It means knowing there's much to live for, no reason to despair, good things yet to come even if some are memories.  If you're young it means believing in yourself and in God.  If you're old it means believing in yourself and in God.   

"Ever after" can begin anytime.  So it is past, present and future.  It means finding small joys amidst great ordeals.  Like having the whole family around the table when one of you is weak from chemo.  Or finding your creative self after a change you never wanted. Or maintaining sobriety.  Or having another child after losing one.  Or being buoyed by love. 

Looked at this way it doesn't just belong in fairy tales.  It belongs to us.