Lately things have been a bit chaotic. Have you felt that? We're spending Fall in a furnished apartment in New Jersey, our third sojourn here, due to my husband's profession. We arrived to major northeast storms and flooding from Hurricane Ida. Our nephew lost his business. Back in North Carolina, there was a school shooting and our grandson was one of the lock-downs and evacuees. His first experience with the death of a peer. Such grief for that family. California, long the mythological promised land of temperate climes and free spirits, is still ablaze and charred. I think we're all looking for strength.
My go-to in times like these is something simple. I know, simple doesn't solve those losses that are part of being human--Stage IV anything, death, mental illness. But solving needn't always be the goal. Often the goal is surviving, or persevering. Coping. Or facing with grace. And there simple helps. Absolutely bizarre, but a cup of tea helps me live with sadness. Holding hands with almost anybody helps. My husband, a grandchild, a quick touch with a friend. The friends who are helping our nephew shovel out the mud and ruination help, emotionally as well as physically.
Knowing that feelings ebb and flow is a comfort when times are hard. Knowing that thoughts aren't facts. Neither are emotions.
Sometimes it helps to reflect on the times we've felt strong. At my age, what I've survived is amazing. More than I ever expected to. It also helps to take note of comforts, big and small. Sleep, enwrapped with the one we love, gives great solace. It drives out fear. Sleep itself is the great healer. So is remembering the times we've been stopped in our tracks by the beauty of an ordinary moment. It might be a sunset, or a flower in the leaf litter no bigger than your thumb. Last night I saw a fox eating supper on my walk after dark; pure serendipity.
Being loved should always be cherished. I saw my brother today and he has loved me since he was sentient, and me him. Being loved includes by God and by yourself, God's creation. That's something I didn't learn till late. I will turn on the news tonight and there will be something bad, followed by something bad. The assault of the nightly news. ABC ends with a feel-good story but who's fooled by that? But then? A nourishing meal, lighting candles, maybe a movie or good book, folding laundry, checking tomorrow's schedule. It's chilly here in New Jersey, so warm pajamas. List your comforts. Because we can do this.
With love, Nina Naomi
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