"A WORD ABOUT THE STRANGER"

  

Old Mission, Solvang, CA

I was reading the late Rabbi Jonathan Sacks about Passover, the Holiday that Jesus celebrated and which, after his Resurrection, became Holy Week for Christians.  I am writing this away from home during Holy Week.  Tonight is Maundy Thursday and tomorrow Good Friday, the day of crucifixion.  

Rabbi Sacks says, 

If there is one command above all others that speaks of the power and significance of empathy, it is the line in the week's Parsha [Passover]:  "You shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the heart of a stranger:  You were strangers in the land of Egypt."  Exodus 23:9. 

He continues, " Why this command? . . . Empathy is essential to human interaction generally.  Why then invoke it specifically about strangers?"  Because, the Rabbi explains, empathy is easiest among groups that identify with one another, family, clans, religions, gangs, races.  The weaker the bond with another, the sharper the suspicion and fear.  

"It is very hard indeed to love, or even feel empathy for, a stranger."  Thus we need God's commandment:  You shall not opress a stranger. 

A couple of weeks ago, I also read an article about "Toxic Empathy," a frightening mis-juxtaposition of terms.  We are told by one Christian-Right writer that her new book equips Christians "with research-backed, Biblical truths to dismantle the progressive lies like 'no human being is illegal,' or 'love is Love.'"  The book and the concept, the oxymoronic combination of toxicity with empathy, is a favorite among Trump loyalists.  Elon Musk said that empathy is weakness. 

Dr. susan Lanzoni, on the other hand, says that "The disparagement of empathy is a deliberate effort to set up a permission structure to dehumanize others."  

Yes, we see that.  We see the movement to discredit our capacity to recognize and respond to suffering.  We don't need to list how.  Just look at our homegrown Gestapo that we call ICE (for Immigration and Customs Enforcement).  And the concentration camp that has been set up in El Salvador.  

So here it is Holy Week and our own savior is about to be crucified yet again, as he is every year, every day, lately almost every moment.  We remember that Christ's calls to love thy neighbor and welcome the stranger contained no coda on whom to exclude.  We remember that empathy and love are active, not 'thoughts and prayer.' And whether you read this now or after Easter, or next month, the message is always the same:  Christ did not rise for us to ignore the suffering of others.  To do so would be to ignore his own.  AMEN

 

A MINDFUL BALANCE

 

I'm still here in Santa Barbara enjoying our friends' home while they travel, house-sitting, so to speak, while our house survives on its own. Our friend is Romanian and she and her husband wanted to spend her special birthday with her family who live in the Carpathian Mountains near the border with Ukraine.  So although I think about Ukraine nearly everyday, now it has been more. 

 I took part in the recent HANDS OFF protest here.  For such a small city, 5000 participants is a lot.  They say 3 million of us protested at over 1400 locations in all 50 states. I want to be at every peaceful protest I can.  Hands Off my social security and medicare, hands off gay friends and trans children, hands off our National Parks, our schools and teachers' unions, medical research and universities, aid to victims of famine and war, those seeking asylum . . . .  But all hands on deck to support Ukraine, Israeli hostages and Palestinians in Gaza.  Don't give Ukraine to Putin.   

When we were young marrieds, we lived in Cleveland, Ohio during protests there.. I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri where I was too young to participate in the protests.  We lived in London for a few years too.  No one exercises their free speech more than the Brits. I hope if you want to, you're finding a way to be heard.  It's a kind of agency.  

Life today seems like a balance between remaining aware and self-care, at least my life does.  I begin the day with online news--what civil rights challenges are we facing today?  Are the courts still holding?  As a lawyer that's my first concern and yes, they still are--not perfect but not caving to the attacks on our freedoms.  

Then the self-care.  That has turned out to be the easy part, I hope for you too.  Here in Santa Barbara the majestic Pacific is down the street.  We drive to the top of the hill that runs by our friends' street and there it is, wide and glistening.  Once the ocean is in sight, it is everywhere.  The Channel Islands are outlined just out of focus but visible.  The air is clear, not humid like North Carolina, not hot either. Just right.

We have sought out every little thing the area has to offer.  We found the seal rookery, a butterfly grove where monarchs settle in winter, some cave paintings in the Los Padres national forest . . . .  I hope you love where you live and where you visit.  North Carolina Piedmont is nothing like the California coast but I love it.  I love Durham, the woods that surround us, the hot summers, the deer out our door, my aging home with doors that stick and windows that won't open and cracks in the walls.  I refuse to believe the kitchen is outdated or the landscaping non-existent. As much as I like DIY blogs and hacks, we are just fine as we are.  

So that's it.  A balance.  Do for others, do for self.  Don't give up, don't despair, continue to thrive.  And since I am a Christian to whom faith comes easily: "This is the Day that the Lord Hath Made.  Let us Rejoice and be Glad in It."  

                     Nina Naomi

 

GODSPELL

Ocean, Cliffside, Santa Barbara

 My friends' home in Santa Barbara, California is a wonderful calming place.  I am here alone, which is also strangely calming since I know all is well at home where my husband is.  All is well too with my scattered grandchildren.  Nothing changes life more than a period of calmness, does it?  I hope you are finding some today.  

Yesterday I hiked to a seal rookery, something I had never heard of.  Well as you can guess, or already knew, it's where a bunch of seals have hung out for centuries, this one here in Carpenteria at the bottom of a cliff--giving birth, feeding and lazing in the sun.  Maybe you live by the sea or on top of a mountain or with a back yard you have carefully designed with patio, hammock, chairs in the sun or shade and a gurgling fountain.  I don't.  My home is in the woods and right now while I'm gone there is yellow pollen everywhere.  My husband can't open the windows during this warm Carolina spring or the indoors will be as covered as out.  We leave footprints in the pollen even inside our house.  It's not a blessing.

Being here is different. 

Remember that super hit of the 70's, "Day by Day" from Godspell?   It reached #13 on the pop charts.  That song is what I've been thinking about out here in California.

Day by day,

Day by day,

Oh dear Lord, three things I pray.

To see Thee more clearly,

Love Thee more dearly, 

Follow Thee more nearly,

Day by day.  

If you are the age to have gone to an original performance in the 70's, as I am, you remember that at intermission the audience was welcomed on-stage to share bread and wine with the performers.  The musical ends with a reprise of "Prepare Ye the Way of the Lord." 

I wish there would be a revival of this musical.  It's more joyous than what we usually think of with Lent.  Or even Palm Sunday with its foreshadowing.  But it fits Easter.  In a place between the Santa Ynez Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, it does seem easier to see Thee more clearly.  Can you imagine living in Washington DC right now?  Even North Carolina can be hard.  But here in sunny California with lemon trees in every yard, seal sanctuaries and paper straws to lessen pollution from plastics, calm seems easier to achieve.  

Of course I am on vacation. Teachers and nurses and firefighters are bound to be stressed, I hope not beyond coping.  But I hope they too see Thee more clearly, day by day.  I am very grateful to my friends for this opportunity.  AMEN

TODAY'S RENOURISHMENT

Sometimes we just look for something beautiful to set us off right for the day. I don't have babies anymore, not for a long time, but it used to be their powdery smell and soft heads, as they tumbled into my bed that began a good day.  We lived in the country and would hear the cows, as raucous as geese, morning and evening.  

Now the days begin differently.  This month I'm staying in Santa Barbara, CA at our friends' home, where beauty abounds.  My how lucky they are to live here.  From their window I can see the Santa Ynez Mountains and the city below.  There are no mountains in the North Carolina Piedmont where we live; no Pacific Ocean either.  And yet daily we all find something beautiful to begin our day, don't we?  The dogwoods are blooming in the Piedmont. The other day, when still at home, I saw a brown fox out the breakfast room window, beautiful full tail and casual stride. I don't expect to see a fox here on my friends' patio, that would not be welcome. But anyone would love their view.  

Santa Inez Mountains 

 

I also found some writing prompts in Bella Grace magazine, that UK magazine I enjoy.  Its motto is "Life's a Beautiful Journey."  Writing is another good way to replenish ourselves.  

Especially now, we need ways to renourish.  Some of us are on empty, or near it.  It might be because of something personal, but it might also be because we are struggling with the direction of our country. We have a president who hates immigrants, trans children, educators, Federal workers, Ukrainians, Palestinians, Greenlanders, NATO, our allies, judges, the press, researchers, science . . . what else?  It's intentionally disorienting.  

But while we need to resist, we also need to take time away.   We cannot live 24l7 in fear for our democracy.  (Well, actually I do, but life needs to continue.)  

That's why we need to find or do something that nourishes us.  This post is part of my renourishment today. It is a reminder that all the things we love and enjoy and appreciate are still available to us, even in this political maelstrom.    

The first prompt I found in Bella Grace is "Write A Love Letter to Yourself,"  pay yourself the compliments you deserve.  I wrote mine in February 2023, before all this.  Mine is brief but your's may be more fulsome.  Why not try it?  Here's mine. 

"Dear Nina Naomi,  It's OK to be old and a little bit tired and not do too much.  It's OK to have bursts of energy and long quiet times.  It's Ok to sit and read or watch TV.  It's OK to relax with a glass of something good in the late afternoon and cups of tea in the early morning.  It's Ok."

The second prompt is titled "Growing Older with Grace"  and asks, "What have you come to know to be true as you've grown older?"  Well, I realize that I answered that prompt in the post titled "Life Lessons, Just a Few."  But what I wrote in February 2023 was, "What I know to be true is that I can trust my intuition." 

In my life, nothing has been more reliable than my intuition but I didn't realize it, or give voice to it, until a time of serious decision making.  My intuition opened my eyes to facts I was avoiding and made me brave.  A different prompt might be, "When have you been brave?"  

Another thing I've learned to be true is that magic, or what seems like magic, can be another name for God's grace.   All those things we can't explain, seeds growing, the feeling you have when a dragonfly chooses you, the miracle of a baby reaching for your face, are God's grace.  You can name dozens more.  

I've also learned that people and relationships can be redeemed.  Words come first, then actions.  "I am sorry.  I repent my actions, thoughts and deeds.  They not only harmed you, whom I love, but were wrong."  Then the action of change, whatever that may be.  Relationships that have been threatened or broken can be revived, reloved and restored.  People too.  

And finally, I've learned that the last great healing may be death.  Sometimes only God can care for us, no one else.  I read a story about a woman whose granddaughter said, "Grandma, don't ever die."  Her reply, however she said it, was essentially, "Don't bind me to this earth."  That flowed from her heart like a song.  Heaven is the most magical of all, the ultimate manifestation of God's grace. 

As I read this over before pushing Publish, I realize that thoughts can renourish, maybe better than anything.  I hope your day has been filled with things that renourish, good things that fill you with a joy in living.  And if not, I hope tomorrow.               With love, Nina Naomi  

  

LIFE LESSONS, JUST A FEW

 

The older you are the fuller life is.  No shallow waters, only deep.  It doesn't matter that fewer years lie ahead.  All is of a piece, like a quilt that keeps expanding, more colors, more threads.  

As life lengthens, some doors you close on purpose, nothing lost.  The desire for more things fades, you prune what you have.  You don't rush through the present.  You take care of what matters, recognize what's toxic and get rid of it . 

You stop fearing the worst.  For many of us, our worsts have happened and we've survived them. 

You rely on your intuition.   A first alert, it's always on your side.  

You lose unrealistic expectations, don't succumb to pressures to succeed.  

With age, the less you can control and the less you need to.  You know the future holds unwanted surprises, but will also be filled with good things.  

You don't worry about being "too old."  Whatever takes youth, you have already done.  You know life isn't too hard because here we are, still hoping, still believing, knowing we can be content without being happy but that happy still peeks around the corner and finds us. 

You no longer believe that you are not ready, for anything. You are ready. 

You don't notice your age and don't care whether others do. 

You don't avoid the truth or offend easily and have learned that people can change.  You're curious, interested, love your home, hobbies, the seasons, waking up, going to bed, helping others, caring for yourself.  

Changing directions is not giving up; you don't give up.  

There's time enough, everything gets done.

 

SO MUCH TO PRAY FOR IN AMERICA

Under the Shelter of a Cedar Tree

 Diary of a Mindful Nature Lover :  What I want to do most is love God, spend my days in nature, care for my family and friends and care for myself.  Be mindful of all.  The basics, right?  We have such a beautiful country, parks and mountains and rivers.  Late afternoon I see circling hawks; at dusk deer tussling; evening, geese noisily passing overhead. We want to be there for those we love; to be tender with ourselves and others.    

What I have been doing instead is thinking about sin-- how can this be helpful in these times of crisis, I'm not sure. But that is where my mind is leading.  Sin is so much present.  The times are suffused with it. 

Pride is the original and worst of the Seven Deadly Sins.  C. S. Lewis writes in Mere Christianity that pride is the "anti-God" state, the position in which the ego and the self are directly opposed to God.  He says it was through pride that Lucifer became wicked.  Pride blinds.  Through pride, or hubris, leaders with power become more and more irrationally self-confident.  They too become wicked. We've seen this in history and from afar. Now we see it up close.  

We began praying for the Ukrainians being shelled and dying on 24 February 2022 when Putin invaded.   We also, I do, pray for the young Russian soldiers sent to their slaughter, 1,108 per day since the beginning of the invasion, or about 103 deaths for each square kilometer of Ukrainian homeland taken. Then we began praying for the Israeli hostages taken on Oct 7, 2023, about 250 men, women and children.  Those prayers continue, but were soon joined by prayers for Palestinians in Gaza whose homeland continues to be destroyed by Israeli forces.  Over 46,000 Palestinians have been killed by the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF).  

There's so much to pray about, we could do nothing else.  I am praying now for the 100,000 United States Federal workers to date who have been fired or forced to resign.  One of them is our daughter-in-law, who had trained long for a job she loves.  She does not know what comes next.  What else?  We can pray for those with Alzheimers or cancer and the doctors who look for cures, and for the Courts who are charged with determining whether cancelling medical research grants is legal.   

We can pray for children like the transdaughter of a friend, that they not be denied medical care; we can pray for our schools that free school breakfasts and lunches continue for the hungry; we can pray for our churches that we can continue to be sanctuaries for refugees; we can pray for everyone poor or disabled or female or gender non-conforming or a person of color, that they be treated as well as those who are rich or male or white non-Hispanic.  Oh my.  

When our son was little he had Tourette's Syndrome and we prayed about that.  In our family, like yours, people have gotten sick and died.  But never have I prayed so much for our country and our democracy.  As a lawyer, I took the oath to support our constitution. I pray also for its survival.  Has there always been this much to pray about?  I don't know.  But it seems like facing sin head on leads one to prayer,  and that cannot be bad.  Prayer is always a good start.  It leads to hope and that leads to action.  Prayer, hope and action are what American needs right now.

Help us, Lord, to pray for, support, and do what's right.  Help us to take action in accordance with Your will.  Help us to work for and support freedom and justice for all. Help us to love our neighbor, on our street or on our border, as ourselves, and support those who do the same.  In so praying, we remember that might does not make right and that evil is as real as good.  AMEN

 

LOVING YOUR AGE

The first time I thought I would die we were on our honeymoon. I was twenty-one. We were in a rented Renault in the Swiss Alps, trying to cross over the Gotthard Pass into Italy.  Before there was Rick Stevens there was Arthur Frommer, our reliable budget travel guide. He told us that although the Pass is closed for most of the year, it would have just opened in early June, the same week as our wedding.  

We might have guessed a blizzard in June would not be unheard of.  We might have figured that rain on the ground meant snow in the mountains.  We might have but we didn't. No one in our families had traveled abroad before.  Looking over the side of the unguarded winding road to my right in blinding snow and my young husband driving, I was sure we would plunge to our deaths, leaving no record. My first thought beyond that, was that it was a shame to die so soon when we were so in love. 

I don't know that I ever thought of my own death again.

Now that I'm older, aging and dying have become a kind of theme.  Four close friends died this winter.  None of them died young.  

I've written before that we tend to think we're old at every decade. "Wow, I'm thirty."  "How can I be forty?"  "Am I really fifty?"  Women compliment each other, partly I think, in solidarity against aging. 

At the same time, I don't actually mind aging and not just because of the alternative.  I like being my age. Do you feel like that too? Many of us do.

First, I like no longer working.  Those were wonderful productive years.  But we didn't work hard so that we could never stop.  I had a law partner who told me, "Just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you have to do it forever." Not working, God willing, is part of aging.  

Having more time is part of aging too.  I retired in my 60s and my days lengthened.  No more work fifty weeks, vacation two. I didn't want time to go so quickly.  Now, thank goodness, it's slowed.  I might wake and not know the day.  "Oh wait, it's Monday.  I have my class with four friends."  "It's Thursday, I visit my ministry care-receiver."  "I have a doctor's appointment," or "lunch with a friend." Time for friends and family is part of aging.  Keeping house, which I love, is part.  Care for my plants and the outdoors. Keeping the family history if you want, or volunteering.  Traveling, whether down the road or further.  

We go to the beach, recently with our oldest grandchild and his girlfriend.  Nothing is better despite the rain and chill of March.  We miss our friends who died before us.  We know one of us in this long marriage of ours will have to learn to live bereft of the other.  But strangely, life is good.  I don't forget about the chaos in our government, unprecedented and dangerous, but we resist and move forward. 

I want to love my age, don't you?  There is nothing stopping us.