WHAT CONSOLES US?

2020 "Anything but Ordinary"

I've been tracking the coronavirus in my collage art.  It's a way of coping.  Everyone I hear from seems to share a way of coping or two.  Most include a little binge watching of something.  Baking, which I'm not good at, could win a contest.  My family plans to social distance with two other families, three cars and several canoes today.  But for me, collage art helps me both be creative and mourn.  

We're at such poles, aren't we?  Yesterday in a message thread I responded that the peace we're sharing would be so lovely if it weren't for the threat of a deadly virus.  We're, most of us, working hard at our resilience.  Maybe, like I wrote in "Life at a Deeper Level," 11/22/19, rather than return to where we were, post-traumatic growth will take hold.  Do you see some of that?  Changed priorities, a greater sense of personal strength, spiritual growth.

"Still Home but OK"

Most days I feel like this:  Still home but OK.  But sometimes I wonder why we have no national mourning.  Finally the New York Times, as we approach a death-toll of 100,000 in the US, listed their names.  Finally--but only because it's Memorial Day weekend--the flags are at half-staff.  As we cheer the hospital workers, I wish we would also collectively honor the dead.   

On those days when maybe we don't feel so much like we're OK, it may be because we identify with those who have lost someone. It isn't you; it isn't me; but it is someone.  Someone who couldn't take one more breath. That makes us the lucky ones.  I do feel that every day I'm not sick, don't you?  Lucky.

May 1 "Mapping Your World" 63,535 confirmed dead

In May I started to incorporate the number who have died in the US into my collage art.  Sort of to allow pause to pay my respects.  
 

May 14 "Light the Candles" 86,599 confirmed dead

May 23  98,182 confirmed dead

We go on.  I'm (thankfully) not in charge of anything. My neighbor is an internationally known leader in vaccine development.  God bless his team.  Other people are planning for safe schooling in the fall.  Many are trying to make ends meet at half-capacity . . . .  The people I know aren't the ones mingling in crowded pools with no thought for tomorrow. 

My job is among the easiest.  Stay home or wear a mask when out, safe-distance, wash my hands and take every precaution I can not to catch or spread this disease.  Be kind and show love at every opportunity. In that way can I respect and honor the dead and the living.  This consoles me.  I hope your role consoles you too.  Peace, Nina Naomi

LIFE AT A DEEPER LEVEL

I 💝 personal growth.  I bet you do too.  We want to grow personally, professionally, spiritually, every which way.  It's why we read, take classes, work hard, practice meditation, do so many things.  Lately I've been learning about post-traumatic growth.  I came to the topic by way of Mindful.org. and an article by American journalist and science writer Sharon Begley (b. 1956) about the science of "bouncing back" after trauma. Apparently some 60% of us will experience adversity, stress or suffering that rises to the level of trauma.  Many of us will report some form of personal growth afterwards.  A good thing, yes?

A traumatic event used to be described as one that fell outside the normal scope of experience.  But the uncommon has became more common.  Another school shooting, this one in Santa Clarita, California. Opioid deaths. More #MeToo survivors.   So trauma is now more specifically defined by experts as something that challenges our bedrock assumptions about life.  The challenge may come from health issues or marriage crises, violence or disability--make your own list.  It's often something that shatters our image of ourselves, of our world or of someone we love. Anything that causes severe emotional distress can disrupt our life as we believed it to be.

Post-traumatic growth, I'm discovering, is different from resilience. Resilience allows us to return to our previous level of functioning.  Post-traumatic growth is a positive change that happens in the context of crisis.  It doesn't replace stress; it may even occur with it.  The term was coined in 1996 by psychologists Lawrence Calhoun and Richard Tedeschi; I'm enjoying their research.

Post-traumatic growth occurs as we struggle with our crises.  We may make writing or journalling a part of our struggle.  We may disclose to trusted friends or a therapist.  We may take direct action.  And not least, we accept that the past can't be changed.  These good ways to cope are buffers against mental illness, the research shows.  My husband, for example, wrote a difficult book about a tragedy in our family. 

Post-traumatic growth takes forms we all recognize, perhaps in ourselves:  a renewed appreciation for life; a changed sense of priorities; warmer more intimate relationships; greater sense of personal strength; new possibilities.  All positive things.  So apparently adversity isn't the end. There can be more.  I like that.

It's a funny thing to be interested in I expect.  But most religions recognize the transformative power of suffering. We don't seek suffering.  Nor is it supplanted by growth.  But as we become the new person we need to be after trauma, we may end up living life at a deeper level and that is not to be scorned. I believe it is to be welcomed.  With my beliefs I would take this deeper level as a gift from God. 

I just attended my third Day of Mindfulness, a lovely silent retreat with guided and unguided meditations.  Another way people cope.  My take-aways from reading about post-traumatic growth are all helpful.  Under stress or not, it's good to have people to talk to; it's healthy to pray and to journal.  Losses may be unavoidable or not, but they likely won't ruin our lives. I bet you've found that to be true. And we can embrace any meaningful changes that follow our struggles.  

                                                    Nina Naomi

"A Lovely Silent Retreat" (Central Park, NYC)