It's June already. Our anniversary is June 4, and it always arrives as a surprise. This is the front of the Anniversary card my husband gave me this year. We have a tradition of doggie pictures. The card I gave him has a corgi and a schnauzer on it, but this one is better. I love it.
We've had so many anniversaries that we can't remember where we spent them all. Some traveling of course; after all, it is June. One in London, one in Rome, one in Alaska and the Canadian west, several at little B&Bs, but most with good friends or family, often at the grill in our own backyard. This year we met close friends who also have a June anniversary for supper at a local place with an outdoor patio.
Tongue-in-cheek, I will tell you the secrets of a long marriage: marry young, live long and don't get divorced. I will also tell you the actual keys to a good marriage, at least some of them: don't keep secrets from one another; don't hurt one another--but if you do, stop, repent and apologize when you're wrong and forgive when you're right; cling together during traumas, no matter how brutal; do what's best for the marriage. There are other secrets of course. Sleeping like spoons helps. Embracing often, whether when making love or not, is good. Physical touching restores. Fight fair, don't try to one-up, listen to each other, show interest. So many of the things we do to maintain all of our friendships
Be together more than you're apart. Love with abandon. Give each other space, but not too much. Don't put others before the marriage, not even other family. Don't let grievances simmer; address them with persistence but kindness.
I'm not an expert. No one is, not even the 'experts.' But we have survived the most difficult of times and will miss the other desperately when one is gone. And yet we prepare for that too, in our way, discussing our blessings and how one of us might live when alone. And as it happens, we have our faith. That always helps.
So, June it is. Just moments ago, it seems, we were enjoying the cold days and dark nights of winter. That's a good time to strengthen a marriage too. But for the hubbub of Christmas and the hours at our jobs, we tend to hibernate in winter, like animals in dens or coiled under the leaves waiting to be roused by the sun. Most of us love that slower time of year. It's a time to cuddle under blankets with Netflix. Whether with someone or not, it's a special time to be kind to yourself. I like the saying, "Nothing is missing, you are already whole."
Spring is brief where I live and summer long. And now it is here, not according yet to the calendar-- still a few days away--but already we are headed to the longest day and shortest night. The winter solstice is barely over when the summer one is in our sights. Every year the quickness of the cycle is a reminder of the brevity of life. It's a truism that hours might drag but years do not.
What shall we do from anniversary to anniversary, from winter to summer, from birthday to birthday? I'd like to be better at savoring. If you're single, savor your independent life. If you're in a good marriage, savor that. Since we're aging, savor that. We have lived longer, know more, think with more precision, understand how the past affects the present and the present, the future. We have achieved much, I in my long marriage and on my own, you wherever in life you are.
I am so glad it is June, and we are headed to the longest day. Let us savor the light. And when the year is half over, let us look to the approaching longest night. Nothing is missing, our lives are already whole.
Congratulations to all, Nina Naomi
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