REVERSE BUCKET LIST

Photo by Pia Tryde

I've mentioned that I don't like the term "Bucket List" ("About Awe," 10/18/19), because it refers to "when I kick the bucket," i.e. when I drop dead.  There are some things I'd love to do in the future, wonderful things--trips to take, virtues to acquire, goals to reach, mementos to leave--but every time I make progress toward one of these I don't want to be thinking about the brevity of life.  Ugh!   

Some people, however, make a Reverse Bucket List and that's an idea I like.  A kind of way to gain perspective.  When we're feeling like we're not where we want to be, or haven't achieved enough; when our "bucket list" is becoming intense and making us feel overwhelmed (make partner in my firm; safari in Zambia; write a best-seller; have an HGTV kitchen. . .) the reverse bucket list might be just the thing.  It's an encouragement.  It reminds us what we have accomplished, what we're proud of.  It's a  kind of grateful recounting of what we're thankful for. Obviously a very positive thing to do.  

My first few entries have to do with education.  I'm a bit over-educated (BA, MA, PhD, JD)  My mother was a teacher and that's what she wanted for her children.  My father didn't start college until I did, but he had the same respect for learning.  He became a librarian.  So I have a "Hey-that-course-sounds-great" gene.  As an inheritance goes I can't complain. I made partner in my law firm.  No complaints there either. My other entries have to do with travel.  We did do the safari.  We've started visiting our National Parks (and plan to continue when it's safe). Then there are the more important entries. Raising two children, grandparenting, preserving a loving marriage, being a good daughter. .  . .  Then the psychological entries:  surviving traumas, serious ones; being brave when I needed to be; recognizing wrongs.  

I've sort of listed big things here, at least big to me.  But how we rank things differs by person.  I also love that I began this blog over 3 years ago, do collage art and practice meditation.  Isn't this nicer than feeling bad because I probably (definitely) will never see the Pyramids or Machu Picchu?  Or feeling bad for some other unmet goal?  Zero books published.  Zero any number of things.  Especially these days, who needs feeling bad?  

So I'm recommending the Reverse Bucket List.  Give it any name you want. 
What I've accomplished so far. . .
Things I'm proud of. . .
What I like best about my life. . .
Little things I've done. . .
or just Reverse Bucket List. . .


Little things, big things, any amount of detail or specificity.  Hey, I even feel good for giving myself a haircut and a mani-pedi.  Especially the haircut.  

I haven't been bored during this pandemic and I haven't been lonely.  But I've certainly been anxious.  Are all the people I love protecting themselves?  Some people seem meaner rather than kinder; what can we do about that?  Why aren't we remembering the dead with national days of prayer and mourning?  Shouldn't we scroll their names like we did after 9/11? 

Psychologists say that revisiting positive memories and experiences is good for us.  We become more generous when we're satisfied with our own lives.  We can see the progress we've made.  Our greatest hits, so to speak.  Ten, fifty, any number.  If my mom were alive I'd ask her.  "Mom what do you think are some things I've accomplished?"  She was the best for boosting confidence. 

So take a few minutes to travel down your lane of good memories and see what you encounter.  Whether big milestones or meaningful moments, I bet something good.                       
                                          Nina Naomi

A Good Memory:  Arches National Park, Utah (10/19)