AGING

 
The first time I thought I would die we were on our honeymoon. I was twenty-one. We were in a rented Renault in the Swiss Alps, trying to cross over the Gotthard Pass into Italy.  Before there was Rick Stevens there was Arthur Frommer, our reliable budget travel guide. He told us that although the Pass is closed for most of the year, it would have just opened in early June, the same week as our wedding.  

We might have guessed a blizzard in June would not be unheard of.  We might have figured that rain on the ground meant snow in the mountains.  We might have but we didn't. No one in our families had traveled before.  Looking over the side of the unguarded winding road to my right in blinding snow and my young husband driving, I was sure we would plunge to our deaths, leaving no record. My first thought beyond that, was that it was a shame to die so soon when we were so in love. 

I don't know that I ever thought of my own death again.

Now that I'm older, aging and dying have become a kind of theme.  Four close friends died this winter and yesterday was a funeral.  I've written before that we tend to think we're old at every decade. "Wow, I'm thirty."  "How can I be forty?"  "Am I really fifty?"  Women compliment each other, partly I think, in solidarity against aging. 

At the same time, I don't actually mind aging at all and not just because of the alternative.  I like being my age. Do you feel like that too? 

First, I like no longer working.  Those were wonderful productive years.  But we didn't work hard so that we could never stop.  I had a law partner who told me, "Just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you have to do it forever." Not working, God willing, is part of aging.  

Having more time is part of aging too.  I retired at age 69 and my days lengthened.  No more work fifty weeks, vacation two.  At a certain age, I didn't want time to go so quickly.  Now, thank goodness, it's slowed.  I might wake and not know the day.  "Oh wait, it's Monday.  I have my knitting class with four friends."  "It's Thursday, I visit my ministry care-receiver who I love."  "I have a doctor's appointment or lunch with a friend." I know, it sounds decadent, especially to me.  But time for friends and family is part of aging.  Keeping house, which I love, is part.  Care for my plants and the outdoors. Keeping the family history if you want, or volunteering.  Traveling, whether down the road or further.  

This week we are at the beach with our oldest grandchild and his girlfriend.  Nothing is better despite the rain and chill of March.  We miss our friends who died before us.  We know one of us in this long marriage of ours will have to learn to live bereft of the other.  But strangely, life is good, so good.  There are whole afternoons I forget about the chaos and sadness caused by the persons at our helm in the White House. 

I want to love my age, don't you?  There is nothing stopping us.   

  

 

   

   

PRAYER HELPS COPE

Under the Shelter of a Cedar Tree

 

Diary of a Mindful Nature Lover :  What I want to do most is love God, spend my days in nature, care for my family and friends and care for myself.  Be mindful of all.  The basics, right?  We have such a beautiful country, parks and mountains and rivers.  Late afternoon I see circling hawks; at dusk deer tussling; evening, geese noisily passing overhead. We want to be there for those we love; to be tender with ourselves and others.  I hope your coping methods are working well, whatever you do in times of worry and stress.  

What I have been doing is thinking about sin-- how can this be a coping method I wonder?  But that is where my mind is leading.  

Pride is the original and worst of the Seven Deadly Sins.  C. S. Lewis writes in Mere Christianity that pride is the "anti-God" state, the position in which the ego and the self are directly opposed to God.  He says it was through pride that Lucifer became wicked.  Pride blinds.  Through pride, or hubris, leaders with power become more and more irrationally self-confident.  They too become wicked. We've seen this in history and from afar.   

We began praying for the Ukrainians being shelled and dying on 24 February 2022 when Putin invaded.   We also, I do, pray for the young Russian soldiers sent to their slaughter, 1,108 per day since the beginning of the invasion, or about 103 deaths for each square kilometer of Ukrainian homeland taken. Then we began praying for the Israeli hostages taken on Oct 7, 2023, about 250 men, women and children.  Those prayers continue, but were soon joined by prayers for Palestinians in Gaza whose homeland continues to be destroyed by Israeli forces.  Over 46,000 Palestinians have been killed by the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF).  

There's so much to pray about, we could do nothing else.  I am praying now for the 100,000 United States Federal workers to date who have been fired or forced to resign.  One of them is our daughter-in-law, who had trained long for a job she loves.  She does not know what comes next.  What else?  We can pray for those with Alzheimers or cancer and the doctors who look for cures, and for the Courts who are charged with determining whether cancelling medical research grants is legal.   

We can pray for children like the transdaughter of a friend, that they not be denied medical care; we can pray for our schools that free school breakfasts and lunches continue for the hungry; we can pray for our churches that we can continue to be sanctuaries for refugees; we can pray for everyone poor or disabled or female or gender non-conforming or a person of color, that they be treated as well as those who are rich or male or white non-Hispanic.  Oh my.  

When our son was little he had Tourette's Syndrome and we prayed about that.  In our family, like yours, people have gotten sick and died.  But never have I prayed so much for our country and our democracy.  As a lawyer, I took the oath to support our constitution. I pray also for its survival.  Has there always been this much to pray about?  I don't know.  But it seems like recognizing sin or evil leads to prayer and that cannot be bad.  Prayer is always a good start.  It leads to hope that leads to action. 

Help us, Lord, to pray for, support, and do what's right.  Help us to take action in accordance with Your will.  Help us to work for and support freedom and justice for all. Help us to love our neighbor, on our street or on our border, as ourselves, and support those who do the same.  In so praying, we remember that might does not make right and that evil is as real as good.  AMEN