A MINDFUL BALANCE

 

I'm still here in Santa Barbara enjoying our friends' home while they travel, house-sitting, so to speak, while our house survives on its own. Our friend is Romanian and she and her husband wanted to spend her special birthday with her family who live in the Carpathian Mountains near the border with Ukraine.  So although I think about Ukraine nearly everyday, now it has been more. 

 I took part in the recent HANDS OFF protest here.  For such a small city, 5000 participants is a lot.  They say 3 million of us protested at over 1400 locations in all 50 states. I want to be at every peaceful protest I can.  Hands Off my social security and medicare, hands off gay friends and trans children, hands off our National Parks, our schools and teachers' unions, medical research and universities, aid to victims of famine and war, those seeking asylum . . . .  But all hands on deck to support Ukraine, Israeli hostages and Palestinians in Gaza.  Don't give Ukraine to Putin.   

When we were young marrieds, we lived in Cleveland, Ohio during protests there.. I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri where I was too young to participate in the protests.  We lived in London for a few years too.  No one exercises their free speech more than the Brits. I hope if you want to, you're finding a way to be heard.  It's a kind of agency.  

Life today seems like a balance between remaining aware and self-care, at least my life does.  I begin the day with online news--what civil rights challenges are we facing today?  Are the courts still holding?  As a lawyer that's my first concern and yes, they still are--not perfect but not caving to the attacks on our freedoms.  

Then the self-care.  That has turned out to be the easy part, I hope for you too.  Here in Santa Barbara the majestic Pacific is down the street.  We drive to the top of the hill that runs by our friends' street and there it is, wide and glistening.  Once the ocean is in sight, it is everywhere.  The Channel Islands are outlined just out of focus but visible.  The air is clear, not humid like North Carolina, not hot either. Just right.

We have sought out every little thing the area has to offer.  We found the seal rookery, a butterfly grove where monarchs settle in winter, some cave paintings in the Los Padres national forest . . . .  I hope you love where you live and where you visit.  North Carolina Piedmont is nothing like the California coast but I love it.  I love Durham, the woods that surround us, the hot summers, the deer out our door, my aging home with doors that stick and windows that won't open and cracks in the walls.  I refuse to believe the kitchen is outdated or the landscaping non-existent. As much as I like DIY blogs and hacks, we are just fine as we are.  

So that's it.  A balance.  Do for others, do for self.  Don't give up, don't despair, continue to thrive.  And since I am a Christian to whom faith comes easily: "This is the Day that the Lord Hath Made.  Let us Rejoice and be Glad in It."  

                     Nina Naomi

 

GODSPELL

Ocean, Cliffside, Santa Barbara

 My friends' home in Santa Barbara, California is a wonderful calming place.  I am here alone, which is also strangely calming since I know all is well at home where my husband is.  All is well too with my scattered grandchildren.  Nothing changes life more than a period of calmness, does it?  I hope you are finding some today.  

Yesterday I hiked to a seal rookery, something I had never heard of.  Well as you can guess, or already knew, it's where a bunch of seals have hung out for centuries, this one here in Carpenteria at the bottom of a cliff--giving birth, feeding and lazing in the sun.  Maybe you live by the sea or on top of a mountain or with a back yard you have carefully designed with patio, hammock, chairs in the sun or shade and a gurgling fountain.  I don't.  My home is in the woods and right now while I'm gone there is yellow pollen everywhere.  My husband can't open the windows during this warm Carolina spring or the indoors will be as covered as out.  We leave footprints in the pollen even inside our house.  It's not a blessing.

Being here is different. 

Remember that super hit of the 70's, "Day by Day" from Godspell?   It reached #13 on the pop charts.  That song is what I've been thinking about out here in California.

Day by day,

Day by day,

Oh dear Lord, three things I pray.

To see Thee more clearly,

Love Thee more dearly, 

Follow Thee more nearly,

Day by day.  

If you are the age to have gone to an original performance in the 70's, as I am, you remember that at intermission the audience was welcomed on-stage to share bread and wine with the performers.  The musical ends with a reprise of "Prepare Ye the Way of the Lord." 

I wish there would be a revival of this musical.  It's more joyous than what we usually think of with Lent.  Or even Palm Sunday with its foreshadowing.  But it fits Easter.  In a place between the Santa Ynez Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, it does seem easier to see Thee more clearly.  Can you imagine living in Washington DC right now?  Even North Carolina can be hard.  But here in sunny California with lemon trees in every yard, seal sanctuaries and paper straws to lessen pollution from plastics, calm seems easier to achieve.  

Of course I am on vacation. Teachers and nurses and firefighters are bound to be stressed, I hope not beyond coping.  But I hope they too see Thee more clearly, day by day.  I am very grateful to my friends for this opportunity.  AMEN

TODAY'S RENOURISHMENT

Sometimes we just look for something beautiful to set us off right for the day. I don't have babies anymore, not for a long time, but it used to be their powdery smell and soft heads, as they tumbled into my bed that began a good day.  We lived in the country and would hear the cows, as raucous as geese, morning and evening.  

Now the days begin differently.  This month I'm staying in Santa Barbara, CA at our friends' home, where beauty abounds.  My how lucky they are to live here.  From their window I can see the Santa Ynez Mountains and the city below.  There are no mountains in the North Carolina Piedmont where we live; no Pacific Ocean either.  And yet daily we all find something beautiful to begin our day, don't we?  The dogwoods are blooming in the Piedmont. The other day, when still at home, I saw a brown fox out the breakfast room window, beautiful full tail and casual stride. I don't expect to see a fox here on my friends' patio, that would not be welcome. But anyone would love their view.  

Santa Inez Mountains 

 

I also found some writing prompts in Bella Grace magazine, that UK magazine I enjoy.  Its motto is "Life's a Beautiful Journey."  Writing is another good way to replenish ourselves.  

Especially now, we need ways to renourish.  Some of us are on empty, or near it.  It might be because of something personal, but it might also be because we are struggling with the direction of our country. We have a president who hates immigrants, trans children, educators, Federal workers, Ukrainians, Palestinians, Greenlanders, NATO, our allies, judges, the press, researchers, science . . . what else?  It's intentionally disorienting.  

But while we need to resist, we also need to take time away.   We cannot live 24l7 in fear for our democracy.  (Well, actually I do, but life needs to continue.)  

That's why we need to find or do something that nourishes us.  This post is part of my renourishment today. It is a reminder that all the things we love and enjoy and appreciate are still available to us, even in this political maelstrom.    

The first prompt I found in Bella Grace is "Write A Love Letter to Yourself,"  pay yourself the compliments you deserve.  I wrote mine in February 2023, before all this.  Mine is brief but your's may be more fulsome.  Why not try it?  Here's mine. 

"Dear Nina Naomi,  It's OK to be old and a little bit tired and not do too much.  It's OK to have bursts of energy and long quiet times.  It's Ok to sit and read or watch TV.  It's OK to relax with a glass of something good in the late afternoon and cups of tea in the early morning.  It's Ok."

The second prompt is titled "Growing Older with Grace"  and asks, "What have you come to know to be true as you've grown older?"  Well, I realize that I answered that prompt in the post titled "Life Lessons, Just a Few."  But what I wrote in February 2023 was, "What I know to be true is that I can trust my intuition." 

In my life, nothing has been more reliable than my intuition but I didn't realize it, or give voice to it, until a time of serious decision making.  My intuition opened my eyes to facts I was avoiding and made me brave.  A different prompt might be, "When have you been brave?"  

Another thing I've learned to be true is that magic, or what seems like magic, can be another name for God's grace.   All those things we can't explain, seeds growing, the feeling you have when a dragonfly chooses you, the miracle of a baby reaching for your face, are God's grace.  You can name dozens more.  

I've also learned that people and relationships can be redeemed.  Words come first, then actions.  "I am sorry.  I repent my actions, thoughts and deeds.  They not only harmed you, whom I love, but were wrong."  Then the action of change, whatever that may be.  Relationships that have been threatened or broken can be revived, reloved and restored.  People too.  

And finally, I've learned that the last great healing may be death.  Sometimes only God can care for us, no one else.  I read a story about a woman whose granddaughter said, "Grandma, don't ever die."  Her reply, however she said it, was essentially, "Don't bind me to this earth."  That flowed from her heart like a song.  Heaven is the most magical of all, the ultimate manifestation of God's grace. 

As I read this over before pushing Publish, I realize that thoughts can renourish, maybe better than anything.  I hope your day has been filled with things that renourish, good things that fill you with a joy in living.  And if not, I hope tomorrow.               With love, Nina Naomi  

  

LIFE LESSONS, JUST A FEW

 

The older you are the fuller life is.  No shallow waters, only deep.  It doesn't matter that fewer years lie ahead.  All is of a piece, like a quilt that keeps expanding, more colors, more threads.  

As life lengthens, some doors you close on purpose, nothing lost.  The desire for more things fades, you prune what you have.  You don't rush through the present.  You take care of what matters, recognize what's toxic and get rid of it . 

You stop fearing the worst.  For many of us, our worsts have happened and we've survived them. 

You rely on your intuition.   A first alert, it's always on your side.  

You lose unrealistic expectations, don't succumb to pressures to succeed.  

With age, the less you can control and the less you need to.  You know the future holds unwanted surprises, but will also be filled with good things.  

You don't worry about being "too old."  Whatever takes youth, you have already done.  You know life isn't too hard because here we are, still hoping, still believing, knowing we can be content without being happy but that happy still peeks around the corner and finds us. 

You no longer believe that you are not ready, for anything. You are ready. 

You don't notice your age and don't care whether others do. 

You don't avoid the truth or offend easily and have learned that people can change.  You're curious, interested, love your home, hobbies, the seasons, waking up, going to bed, helping others, caring for yourself.  

Changing directions is not giving up; you don't give up.  

There's time enough, everything gets done.

 

SO MUCH TO PRAY FOR IN AMERICA

Under the Shelter of a Cedar Tree

 Diary of a Mindful Nature Lover :  What I want to do most is love God, spend my days in nature, care for my family and friends and care for myself.  Be mindful of all.  The basics, right?  We have such a beautiful country, parks and mountains and rivers.  Late afternoon I see circling hawks; at dusk deer tussling; evening, geese noisily passing overhead. We want to be there for those we love; to be tender with ourselves and others.    

What I have been doing instead is thinking about sin-- how can this be helpful in these times of crisis, I'm not sure. But that is where my mind is leading.  Sin is so much present.  The times are suffused with it. 

Pride is the original and worst of the Seven Deadly Sins.  C. S. Lewis writes in Mere Christianity that pride is the "anti-God" state, the position in which the ego and the self are directly opposed to God.  He says it was through pride that Lucifer became wicked.  Pride blinds.  Through pride, or hubris, leaders with power become more and more irrationally self-confident.  They too become wicked. We've seen this in history and from afar. Now we see it up close.  

We began praying for the Ukrainians being shelled and dying on 24 February 2022 when Putin invaded.   We also, I do, pray for the young Russian soldiers sent to their slaughter, 1,108 per day since the beginning of the invasion, or about 103 deaths for each square kilometer of Ukrainian homeland taken. Then we began praying for the Israeli hostages taken on Oct 7, 2023, about 250 men, women and children.  Those prayers continue, but were soon joined by prayers for Palestinians in Gaza whose homeland continues to be destroyed by Israeli forces.  Over 46,000 Palestinians have been killed by the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF).  

There's so much to pray about, we could do nothing else.  I am praying now for the 100,000 United States Federal workers to date who have been fired or forced to resign.  One of them is our daughter-in-law, who had trained long for a job she loves.  She does not know what comes next.  What else?  We can pray for those with Alzheimers or cancer and the doctors who look for cures, and for the Courts who are charged with determining whether cancelling medical research grants is legal.   

We can pray for children like the transdaughter of a friend, that they not be denied medical care; we can pray for our schools that free school breakfasts and lunches continue for the hungry; we can pray for our churches that we can continue to be sanctuaries for refugees; we can pray for everyone poor or disabled or female or gender non-conforming or a person of color, that they be treated as well as those who are rich or male or white non-Hispanic.  Oh my.  

When our son was little he had Tourette's Syndrome and we prayed about that.  In our family, like yours, people have gotten sick and died.  But never have I prayed so much for our country and our democracy.  As a lawyer, I took the oath to support our constitution. I pray also for its survival.  Has there always been this much to pray about?  I don't know.  But it seems like facing sin head on leads one to prayer,  and that cannot be bad.  Prayer is always a good start.  It leads to hope and that leads to action.  Prayer, hope and action are what American needs right now.

Help us, Lord, to pray for, support, and do what's right.  Help us to take action in accordance with Your will.  Help us to work for and support freedom and justice for all. Help us to love our neighbor, on our street or on our border, as ourselves, and support those who do the same.  In so praying, we remember that might does not make right and that evil is as real as good.  AMEN

 

LOVING YOUR AGE

The first time I thought I would die we were on our honeymoon. I was twenty-one. We were in a rented Renault in the Swiss Alps, trying to cross over the Gotthard Pass into Italy.  Before there was Rick Stevens there was Arthur Frommer, our reliable budget travel guide. He told us that although the Pass is closed for most of the year, it would have just opened in early June, the same week as our wedding.  

We might have guessed a blizzard in June would not be unheard of.  We might have figured that rain on the ground meant snow in the mountains.  We might have but we didn't. No one in our families had traveled abroad before.  Looking over the side of the unguarded winding road to my right in blinding snow and my young husband driving, I was sure we would plunge to our deaths, leaving no record. My first thought beyond that, was that it was a shame to die so soon when we were so in love. 

I don't know that I ever thought of my own death again.

Now that I'm older, aging and dying have become a kind of theme.  Four close friends died this winter.  None of them died young.  

I've written before that we tend to think we're old at every decade. "Wow, I'm thirty."  "How can I be forty?"  "Am I really fifty?"  Women compliment each other, partly I think, in solidarity against aging. 

At the same time, I don't actually mind aging and not just because of the alternative.  I like being my age. Do you feel like that too? Many of us do.

First, I like no longer working.  Those were wonderful productive years.  But we didn't work hard so that we could never stop.  I had a law partner who told me, "Just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you have to do it forever." Not working, God willing, is part of aging.  

Having more time is part of aging too.  I retired in my 60s and my days lengthened.  No more work fifty weeks, vacation two. I didn't want time to go so quickly.  Now, thank goodness, it's slowed.  I might wake and not know the day.  "Oh wait, it's Monday.  I have my class with four friends."  "It's Thursday, I visit my ministry care-receiver."  "I have a doctor's appointment," or "lunch with a friend." Time for friends and family is part of aging.  Keeping house, which I love, is part.  Care for my plants and the outdoors. Keeping the family history if you want, or volunteering.  Traveling, whether down the road or further.  

We go to the beach, recently with our oldest grandchild and his girlfriend.  Nothing is better despite the rain and chill of March.  We miss our friends who died before us.  We know one of us in this long marriage of ours will have to learn to live bereft of the other.  But strangely, life is good.  I don't forget about the chaos in our government, unprecedented and dangerous, but we resist and move forward. 

I want to love my age, don't you?  There is nothing stopping us.   

  

 

   

   

A STRANGE TIME IN AMERICA

Advice for the Ages

This blog is in memory of my mother, Nina Naomi.  She was a teacher of American History.  We were raised to love our country. 

Not many women born in 1922 went on to earn a PhD, but she did, studying Native American history, the World Wars and everything in-between.  She and my father visited every presidential library and birthplace.  As for politics, she called herself an Independent.  As far as I know, she voted for FDR, Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Carter, Reagan, George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton.  I don't know about Johnson, Nixon or Ford.  Nothing was knee-jerk with her.  While my father was a yellow-dog Democrat, she was too knowledgeable to fall into that trap.  She had strong feelings about us dropping the atomic bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima and some regrets about Truman.  He was a Missourian, however, as were we.  She knew his library in Independence, Missouri well and admired him for establishing NATO. 

Oh how I wish I could talk to her now.  She was never a civil rights activist, but lived long enough to understand the movement.  A ground-breaker in almost everything, she would mourn the loss of Federal protection for girls and women who need to terminate their pregnancies.  She and I both lived during the time when abortions were illegal in Missouri and knew women whose lives were ruined by the hack jobs available in our state.  

One of my mother's history professors was the ex-patriated Chancellor of Austria, Kurt von Schuschnigg, who fled after his country's 1938 Annexation by Nazi Germany.  I can just imagine what she would think of Donald Trump's idea of forcibly removing all the Gazans from their devastated homeland and making Gaza a Mediterranean resort. Or what she would think of weakening our military by firing generals.  Or Trump's cosiness with Russia.  I really can't list all the goings on that would alarm and distress her, knowing history as she did.  

But particularly I can imagine her grief at the dismantling of the Department of Education and the siphoning of taxpayer money from the public schools, which she championed.  Our local schools ranged between middle and lower-middle class to underprivileged.  We all of us, needed every advantage, and the schools were wonderful.  They provided.  

Well, this post isn't about mindfulness, or nature, or living simply.  But since this blog is in memory of Nina Naomi I feel that I have to address the profound grief (and anger) she would be feeling at this strange time in America.  Whether she could find hope in history, I don't know.  

For myself, I look for hope everywhere, and while not finding it abundantly, never stop looking.  One place I find hope is reading Joyce Vance's Civil Discourse on Substack and going from there.  Another place is writing, as here.  Being with like-minded people, reading, finding consolation in nature and making any small contribution I can. You have ways too, I know.   Please share.  As so many of us say now, "We're in this together."   

In peace, Nina Naomi's Daughter

  

     

OH TREES. "I WOULD ALMOST SAY THEY SAVE ME, AND DAILY" Mary Oliver

OH TREES.  "I WOULD ALMOST SAY THEY SAVE ME, AND DAILY" Mary Oliver

 "A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."  Ecclesiastes 3"4

Winter Trees

We learn in Mindfulness that all emotions are valid.  How we feel counts.  Many of us feel sad about America.  Sad about our future and sad about the two men at the top, Musk and Trump.  Sad too about the lovelies they have appointed to our most sensitive posts: health, education, budget, defense, state and national security.

Sad that park rangers are being let go.  Sad that Federal workers must resign or be fired.  Sad that grants for cancer research are blocked in universities in every state, from Mississippi to Maine.  Sad that funds from USAID are no longer feeding victims of famine, war and genocide.  Sad that children are being punished for their gender, over which, God help us, they have no control. Sad that Trump, in trademark projection, called Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky a dictator. 

We need to resist.  On President's Day--what protesters from every state called No Kings Day--I saw a sign that read "They're eating the CHECKS, they're eating the BALANCES."  Another, "FIRE ELON."  And a third, closer to home, "Fake Christians, REAL EVIL." 

But we also need antidotes to sadness.  My antidote is to go outside.  Poet Mary Oliver says about trees, "I would almost say they save me, and daily." 

On 'No Kings Day' the trees saved me.  I went into the woods to move wild Hellebores from where I can't see them to right by my door.  Often called the Christmas or Lenten rose, they bloom near Holy Days to remind us of birth and resurrection.

Hellebores

That afternoon it was 60 degrees and muddy.  I fell to my knees and dug up as many as I could from deep in our woods where they flourish without fear of hungry deer, since root, stem and flower are all poisonous.  Even the squirrels leave them alone.  

What does this mean?  If they survive the deer and squirrels, maybe their beauty is meant for us, we with minds and hearts to look for consolation in the beauty of creation that lies at our door.

Maybe while we do whatever we must to protect our democracy, we can go outdoors and be sheltered by the trees.  We can gain strength from the roses presaging Easter and the beautiful white snow surprising us today.  All of us need comfort.  All of us need faith that while it is a time to mourn, sometime it will be time to dance. 

For such a time, let us pray to the Lord.  Until then, Lord have mercy.

In peace, Nina Naomi. 

 

"SOFTEN, SOOTHE, AND ALLOW DIFFICULT EMOTIONS" WITH MINDFUL.ORG

I am safe

I am home

I am well

And at ease

Now repeat.  I am safe, I am home, I am well, and at ease.  And again. 

 

This is a mantra I recited this morning in my guided meditation.  I woke up feeling none of these things; home yes, but not home in my heart.  Certainly not at ease, not particularly well, not safe for our country and the future.  Feeling depressed.     

 A family member who is a Federal worker resigned under threat of being fired.  The large refugee family our church supports is fearful.  Friends' transgender daughter receives important medical care that may/will be denied. You probably have your own stories.  

The least of our worries is that none of life's basics are more affordable, not gas or milk or eggs.    

So with a heating pad and a couple of Advil for my aging back, I decided to pray and meditate.  I logged on to Mindful.org, which is free and filled with good things.  I chose a 15-minute mindfulness practice to "Soften, Soothe, and Allow Difficult Emotions."  Then after that, a practice to "Guide You Beyond Crisis Mode."  Somewhere during this quiet time listening to a soothing voice, I heard the words, "I am safe, I am home, I am well, and at ease."  The mantra didn't objectively change what the country is facing, not the chaos and cruelty.  But it did change my ability to cope today.  Because with breath slowed, heart no longer racing, and fears in perspective I was able to realize my own small place and that for today at least I am in fact safe and able to act to resist the emotions our co-presidents are working so hard to instill.  

After the meditations and hot tea, I was ready to read the news.  I saw that a Reagan-appointed federal judge in Seattle has issued a nationwide injunction blocking the executive order to strip birthright citizenship from children of undocumented parents.  Another federal judge blocked the rollout of a budget freeze meant to halt payments due grant and aid recipients. The effort to force transgender women into men's prisons (can you imagine what would happen to those women?) has been blocked as unconstitutional.  A major lawsuit has been filed to stop Trump from dismantling USAID--which feeds starving survivors of war, famine and genocide all over the world--and firing its workers.  And a court order in a case brought by retired Americans and others has blocked Musk from invading the US Treasury system.  So all power is not with the POTUS duo.  The courts, of which I became a licensed member in 1984, are holding.  

After that, and now putting these legal blocks to the destruction of our democracy in writing, I am feeling much more safe and at ease.  It is good to know we are not alone. It is good to know that those who can do something are.  It is good to enjoy this beautiful weather today in the North Carolina Piedmont.  It has even been good to blog about difficult emotions. 

Next on my Sunday agenda is potting a few pansies, pressing some wrinkled clothing of mine, and pasting in my collage journal.  Thank you for reading.  I look at stats and see readers from all over the globe.  But thank you especially for reading this post.   In peace, Nina Naomi

 

A DIFFICULT TIME

Winter Holly

It's such a difficult time.  Our President is a convicted felon. We who wouldn't vote for him--half of all Americans, praise God--are stuck with him too.   How many of the Ten Commandments has he kept?  Can we count to zero?  We are often encouraged to try to understand the minds of his voters, if only to sway them.  I admit, I'm not up for that.  Life's too short to decode the allure of an autocrat. 

Remember the Duke and the Dauphin in Huckleberry Finn?  A duo of shysters just chased out one town after another, they board Huck and Jim's raft claiming to be royalty.  No amount of failure or backlash seems to lessen their greed, which culminates in their stealing the runaway slave Jim and selling him off.  Yet in each town, the gullible do come to their senses. Tarred and feathered, the con artists are finally run out of the last town on a rail.  In those days, exposing a fraud was enough.  People knew when they were made fools of.  Today not so.  The duped and the duper dig in and deny.  Grifters are in power; at least two are on our Supreme Court.  Some others are being sworn in as I write.  We have a President/Billionaire bromance.  It's almost too much.  Like I say, a difficult time. 

And yet, out my kitchen window just now the robins and cardinals are assailing the holly trees laden with berries, diving in and out.  Here and there a blue bird joins in.  Stuffing themselves with the red fruit, finally just the right degree of ripeness.  As delectable as a tasty worm.  At first I thought the robins were getting fat from gorging, but then I checked:  no, they're just fluffing their feathers to create air pockets of insulation against the cold.  My husband pours boiling water on the frozen birdbath.

The snow we seldom get has melted quickly.  I use the blower to clear the mess the birds have made on the walkway, bits of berry, leaf and stem.  Yesterday at dawn I was at the same window to see the deer foraging amongst the holly litter for any bite to eat.  They are hungry this time of year.  All foliage beneath the deer line is stripped, as they're digesting ivy, verbena, any winter green but cedar.  Only the hellebores are left alone, poison as they are. 

"Don't let the meanness of the new/old president eat your soul, your heart, your mind," I tell myself.  Resist, but don't be consumed.  Earlier this week, our book group discussed Elizabeth Strout's Tell Me Everything   A Mainer and perfect author for a winter read, Strout creates a fictional town that carries through her oeuvre. In Tell Me, a character questions the value of the "unrecorded life," i.e. lives of  ordinary people, such as we, that hold trauma, grief and love.  The telling of these lives, she decides, gives them meaning.  The book is spare (the group wanted a shorter read after The Covenant of Water, a saga of Indian life) but the inner lives depicted are deep.  I like the idea that you can validate, or redeem, a life simply by telling about it.  I have so many stories about my mother, the Nina Naomi of this blog. 

Last year our book club read Middlemarch, another saga, by George Eliot. Eliot writes, "The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts...[by those] who lived faithfully a hidden life and rest in unvisited tombs."  That is most of us, isn't it?   My parents' ashes are in our church columbarium.  My son's body, a graveyard beside a country church.  My husband, a writer, published a book about our son's death, a parent's instinctual effort to preserve a record.  But our other family and friends remain unrecorded, including the four close friends we lost since Thanksgiving, each with their own achievements. 

So this is a difficult, serious time.  We have more to do with our minds and hearts than lament our fellow Americans and their idol.  I went to a memorial service for a friend this weekend.  I will tell her stories.  She is, as will be each of us, held steady in the mind of God. 

We will resist, in every way available.  If we have a sphere of influence, we will use it.  Our country will weather this dictator. As he has learned, so have we.  We are, after all, a freedom-loving people. The Republican-led Congress cannot run scared forever.  In the 1950s Sen. Joe McCarthy was an agent of chaos too, causing harm similar to what we are confronting today.  He lies in history's grave.  

Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn, blessed are the meek . . . .  Nowhere, nowhere are the greedy blessed.  

Tomorrow at my house and yours, the birds will awaken hungry and with great spirit.  Strangers and friends will need our help as we need theirs. Sadness and joy, fear and hope, dark and light will continue their dance.  Those who lived faithfully and lie in unvisited tombs will rest in the eternal and in our memories until our day too is done.                  In peace, Nina Naomi   

  

  

SIMPLE LIVING IN SCOTLAND AND AT MY HOUSE

Oban, Inner Hebrides, Scotland

 A few midwinter days at the beach have left me time for new reading.  I found (or it found me) Scottish Stories by Molly Ella on Substack.  She writes about her slow and simple life in the Scottish Highlands.  Well, three falls ago we spent some time in Scotland in the Inner Hebrides, some absolutely wonderful time staying in Oban on the Bay and taking ferries all about to islands and eating langoustines whenever possible.  My grandmother was a Chisholm, the clan whose dress plaid is red and whose hunting plaid is brown.  It's not easy to find the Chisholm plaid but we work at it. Then just two falls ago our grandson entered St. Andrews University and is biking to class and enjoying living by the North Sea.  So how could I not be attracted to Scottish Stories by Molly Ella?

She writes about frugal living.  I too was raised that way.  We did all home repairs ourselves.  We took staycations (not a word then) more often than not.  We ate out, if at all, at cafeterias and burger havens.  My mother made hodgepodge almost every night.  A real summer treat was a mug of frosty root beer at A&W drive-in. We went to free movies in the park in summer and skated free on the pond in winter.  The public schools had free summer enrichment classes in which I was unfailingly enrolled. We went sledding on local hills and public golf courses.  The St. Louis art museum was free, the Jewel Box Botanical Garden and the St. Louis zoo the same.  My mother got something new to wear once a year and that was at Christmas.  I'm sure she didn't own a pair of boots other than galoshes.  She waited for the school bus with her students and was beloved by them.  Somehow, then and now, none of this was a deprivation.  Materialism had no place in my childhood.  Education, yes, but not consumerism. 

Molly Ella says that living frugally can be positive for our mental health and cites the research (see Journal of Consumer Psychology).  I agree.  Thrift originally meant to thrive.  Lessening or eliminating the stress of debt is emotionally freeing.  Savoring and appreciating  (I did not chug that root beer) stretches the positive experience.  Spending less usually means working less which ups our work-life balance.  This is true even as a retiree:  if I'm not scrolling the outlet sites or running up to TJMax, I have more time to garden, read, chat, you name it.  

Somehow, without planning, I have been having a low-buy year.  Last July when my husband had surgery and I became an at-home caregiver, I realized how little of a wardrobe I needed.  And that's when I decided not to buy any new clothes this year.  So far I am not failing. 😊  The upside, besides time and money saved, is that I'm making all sorts of combinations with what's in my closet. I'm being creative.  The time I'm saving also leaves more room for knitting and I've finished a neck warmer that enlivens every sweater I have.  Then too, knitting goes well with movie watching which is great on winter weekends.  My alcohol-free January (which started late December) fits in with a low-buy year--great savings there--part of which I have dedicated to flowers or candles when I pass by the wine section at the grocery store.  With no wine on the menu, I'm losing weight (slimming, as the British say) which means some lovely trousers in the back of my closet now fit, so more variety at no cost.  

So of course, with all this going on, I am attracted to a newsletter by a young Scottish woman on her intentional living.  Simple, intentional, frugal, slow . . . a good fit for me right now.  Maybe for you too.  

                                        Thanks for reading, Nina Naomi

WINTER THOUGHTS

Winter Sea

This is what's been happening.  We come to the beach for a wintry escape and it is wonderful, cold and bright, waves lapping, starry nights and fresh mornings. Nothing is open, but we bring necessities from home and stop at Friendly Market on the mainland for their prepared chicken-wild rice and shrimp and grits casseroles.  The house is cold, the window cranks need repair but while we were unable to be here the pipes did not freeze and the heat pump did not break.  Only the kitchen faucet is spewing and we need a plumber but that is all and we are relieved. We are so glad to be here.  The bedroom refuses to warm up and I put on extra blankets.  I'm missing Mr.Wiggles, our little maltipoo who the last time we brought him, fifteen and with only months to live, could no longer do the stairs.   

At the same time, the fires in Los Angeles are still burning.  So much suffering.  Our own western North Carolina has not rebuilt yet.  Many lives there were lost.  My husband and I have friends moving from this life to the next, three in these past months, all from cancer, two after long debilitating treatments. These are serious times in our life and maybe in yours too.  I would not be surprised.  We fear power-bloated billionaires and warmongers.  Many diseases do not wait for us to age. Anxiety is in the air.  Fragility abounds.  

And yet, life goes on. That's what life does.   From the ashes like the Phoenix the sun rises daily. The moon as well. All is not vanity. The most miraculous things continue to happen.  We see on TV the gratitude of those who, yes, lost their homes but not their lives.  We see the superhuman bravery of the firefighters.  We see goodness and compassion.

Each morning we all find something for which to give thanks.  Tea or coffee, children or grandchildren, jobs to do and friends to see.  Here the day is bright and cold again. This visit the shore is wide, the dunes rebuilt by last year's storms. Some visits no shore at all, steps and decks washed away.  The wind alone decides whether to take or give. The sea can be as dangerous as fire.  

Precarious as life is, who isn't grateful to be alive?  Who wouldn't be grateful to take a walk, even with a bad back, by the windy shore, bundled and dodging the incoming waves?  We rebuild after hurricanes, floods and fires, not just shelters for our bodies but places of friendship and love for our hearts. We try our best to keep our families safe, even as they grow or diminish.  With each loss we recommit to life. 

When someone dies, we are thankful that they didn't suffer.  If they suffered, we are thankful that their suffering is over.  We are thankful that they lived, however long or short.  We would never trade the joy in their living to avoid the pain of losing them.  Our love is strong, and deep.  It abides.

It is a miracle how we are made.  It is a wonder how two people can make a love that lasts a lifetime, from young love to old age, neither straying, nor wanting to, from one another.  It is a wonder as well how two people can meet at any age, after most any disappointment, and find nothing but love and compassion between them.  It is a wonder how we feel for strangers and want to help them, how we see our lives in theirs, how we know that, "There, but for the Grace of God, go I." 

It's not that we manufacture good, I don't think. We're not Pollyannas.  But sometimes the good simply won't let us ignore it.  I've read that we're "hard-wired" (a word I don't like) to look for the negative.  I don't think that's true.  If it were, how in the face of natural catastrophes and greed, would we continue to take such good care of ourselves and others? We have survived because of our better angels. 

Something about the ocean gives rise to these winter thoughts. Something about the vastness of our world, sky, land and sea, makes space for us to look for any blessings we can.  And lo and behold, we find them.  

  

WHAT'S YOUR SIMPLE WINTER THING?

I buy The Simple Things  at my local Barnes and Noble.  Or you can visit www.icebergpress.co.uk. It's a lovely magazine for UK aficionados like myself. I've mentioned before that people write in what their "Simple Thing" is.  Ordinary things like "cold toast with a thick slathering of butter."  Nothing's more British than cold toast (or the word "slathering").  Brits even use a cooling rack to make sure not one bit of warmth is left after toasting.  Perverse, isn't it?  Our simple thing corollary might be "A fried egg on hot buttered toast."  Yes, much more American.   

Winter is such a wonderful time.  When it's not too frigid outside, a lovely simple thing is the outdoor fire pit and a woolly blanket as darkness falls.  Or if the temperature is colder, like it is today, then a crackling fire indoors is the best simple winter thing.  Of course, not everyone wants or has a fireplace.  Candles and fairy lights are good too.  Then watching a movie with the kids or maybe even better, watching something that only we want to see.  My Netflix list is long.  

Remember when Dumbledore said, "One can never have enough socks.  Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair.  People will insist on giving me books." (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)  New socks are a simple winter thing. Or old favorites. Last year I got a pair in my Christmas stocking, and sent out a bunch.  My sweet New Jersey nieces said, "Some people think they are corny but we like them," then sent me this fuzzy polka dot pair by return mail: 

Still, books may be the best winter simple thing. Transporting us to another age or country or emotional state.  Challenging us, absorbing us, every sentence a pause, leading us to thoughts we may never have had before.  Reading the classics does this, Bronte, Dickens, Salinger, Flaubert, Kate Chopin. . . .  Just choosing one to read or reread will transform the whole winter on its own.  Our book club chose The Awakening (1899) set in New Orleans where Chopin's heroine struggles against turn-of-the-century attitudes about femininity and motherhood.  I can't forget that book. 

Of course we can combine a plethora of simple winter things into a glorious day or afternoon or evening--cozy socks, candles lit, with our book, under a woolly throw, tea and hot buttered toast at our side, dog at our feet. . . . Or playing a game with the family in front of the fire while supper simmers. 

What are your simple winter things?   Outdoors or in?  Active or sedentary?  Planned or spontaneous?  Relaxing or invigorating?  There's not a bad choice, is there?  It's a wonderful season!

THE NO-GUILT SEASON

Wishing for Snow

We're in the no-guilt season and I love it.  January is our time to slow down.  We can't hibernate in December.  There's too much to do, too much between Thanksgiving and New Year's.  But not now.  Year-end work rush is over.  The children's excitement has peaked and settled.  Family is gone, guest rooms empty.  Calendars have cleared.  Gardens don't need us.

Fridges have space and we start fresh with simple winter comfort food, stews and soups, roast meats and vegetables.  We're wearing our new sweaters, not shopping for them.  There's nothing to buy or decorate or plan or get ready for.  It is pure and simply time to find what comforts we can and reset.  We can slow life down a little without any guilt.  We can go to bed early.  Oh my.

Where I am it is 5:30 and dark.  The geese have passed overhead and are quiet.  The deer are still grazing about but will bed under the cedars shortly.  The bobcat a relative spied at dusk a day or so ago may still be on patrol, but then so are the coyotes.  We might hear some noise later from those predators.  In all, it's a chilly perfect mid-winter evening. 

What can we do during this less-hectic time?  There's so much.  We can go for bundled-up walks in nature.  My husband and I took one yesterday, January 1st, a day off.  We can start our winter routine, the most un-fancy dinners we can think of, meatloaf and jacket potatoes, or waffles, or cabbage soup.  Early baths or showers, a little reading or journaling, TV or podcast and bedtimes for everyone.

Winter has such charm with little effort, don't you think?  Birds at the feeder.  Bare, sculptural branches, winter berries, brighter stars, air with a freshness you don't find in any other season.  Even the train whistle is clearer as it fades.  People leave work earlier too, if they can.  Schools close for snow and everything stops.

At home, too.  Blankets and throws about, clusters of candles (we have a Scrap Exchange where you can buy fistfuls of used candles for 5¢ each), warm drinks, old flannels and knitwear, cozy socks.  I read more in winter than any other time of year.  Someone said that reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body, and that seems right.  We drink hot chocolate before bed, too, a treat saved  just for this season.  

It's good for our children to see us slow down, to have time for real conversations, so when they are adults they will know how to slow down too.  They see us make a living.  They can see us make a life.  A slower pace helps us care for our souls and theirs.  

We need our winter pause.  We need a month that doesn't rush, but lingers. That month is here.   

                        In peace, Nina Naomi